Price For A Voice
by forevernyu
Summary: Is it possible to put a price on Watanuki’s lost voice? This, Doumeki didn’t know. Neither did Ichihara Yuuko! Chapter 5.3: Painless Suffering is up.Enjoy!More updates this week!
1. Chapter 1: Escorted

_**Price For A Voice**_

_**Title: **__The Tree Spirit or Price For A Voice_

_**Author: **__forevernyu_

_**Pairings: **__The story mainly revolves around Watanuki and Doumeki. Friendship and ... rivalry for now ;D_

_**Summary: **__Is it possible to put a price on Watanuki's lost voice? This, Doumeki didn't know. Neither did Ichihara Yuuko!_

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own xxxHOLiC, CLAMP does. _

_**AN:**_ _Rated T to be safe._

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**Chapter 1: Escorted**

"I'm going home now," Watanuki said with a weary voice. Yuuko-san(1) stopped fiddling with the packet Watanuki had retrieved for her after a long, tiring and not quite safe errand. She looked up at him. "Why don't you stay for the night Watanuki?" she asked.

Watanuki eyed his employer suspiciously

"You just want me to cook you pancakes or something for breakfast, don't you?" he said angrily before he sighing. "Besides, Doumeki's waiting," he added almost inaudibly.

"Being escorted are we, Wa-Ta-Nu-Ki?" Yuuko-san said with her bright teasing smile

"Well, it's all YOUR fault! You had us do an errand until late at night. And you know there are more of them now, a LOT more!"

"Ok then Watanuki, have it your way. Just don't go to Doumeki's tomorrow."

"Going to Doumeki's? Why the hell would I go to that big oaf's home? Hey, are you listening?" he retorted in a mixture of surprise and anger, but Yuuko-san had already turned her attention back to her packet and the almost empty bottle of sake(2) on the table.

"You don't want him to wait, do you? It would cost you twice as many bentos(3)." She directed teasingly at him.

He could feel more than see the smirk on the witch's lips, but she was right.. He hurried out, thinking that the whole sleep-over thing might have been simply for the sake of teasing him. Hopefully.

*********

The walk to Watanuki's apartment was rather quiet; seeing that neither he nor Doumeki said a word. Well, Doumeki never was much of a talker and as for Watanuki, he was just too tired to bother with anything more than walking mechanically, concentrating on each of his steps to avoid tripping over nothing and making a complete fool of himself in front of the archer.

The seer kept chanting 'left, right, left, right' like a mantra but he couldn't help noticing that Doumeki was eying him as if he were about to collapse any minute. He tried to ignore him but each glance added to his rising anger until he snapped.

"What now?"

Doumeki stopped and gazed intently at the pale face, now flushed with anger:

"You should have stayed at the shop," he stated.

"Wha-, I don't remember asking you to come-"

"That's not what I meant," Doumeki interrupted, his pinkie finger now plugged into his left ear to protect it from the seer's loud protests.

Watanuki felt too tired to pursue the argument any further especially since he was the only one getting worked up.

"I'm perfectly fine," he said, his voice back to its normal high. Unfortunately, that didn't last.

"You don't _**look**_ fine," Doumeki hissed. And Watanuki had no choice but to reply as loudly as he could, "None of your DAMN business!" With that, he stomped off toward his apartment, suddenly energized by the force of his irritation.

Doumeki watched his hasty retreat thinking that if Watanuki had enough energy to shout like that, the boy might be in better health than he had initially thought. Then he followed his friend, easily keeping up with his anger-fueled pace.

*********

When they arrived at the apartment building, Doumeki stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

He watched Watanuki reach the door, then fumble with the keys, waiting to see him back into the safety of his warded room before retreating to his own house. A distinct click told him that the door was finally unlocked and Watanuki looked down to where Doumeki stood.

"Thank you," came the quiet and unexpected expression of gratitude.

"You're welcome," Doumeki managed to reply in his usual monotone. But for some reason Watanuki didn't like it.

"Why- you IDIOT! Will you stop treating like a GIRL! I'll have you know that it's only polite to thank someone who helped you whether you wanted it or not. So don't get any weird ideas, we're still _**rivals**_!"

And with that Watanuki stormed into his apartment and slammed the door shut behind him.

Doumeki turned around a smirk visible on his usually expressionless face and he walked back home wondering slyly how high-pitched his self-proclaimed rival's voice could become.

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(1) _san_: Japanese honorific for either men or women (a bit like Mr, Ms, Mrs)

(2) _sake_: a strong Japanese alcohol

(3) _bentos_: Japanese are lunch boxes, usually home made

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_**AN**__: I already started on the next 2-3 chapters, so I will update rather quickly. Please keep reading and don't forget to review. It really makes me happy and it actually helps me type faster!_


	2. Chapter 2: Hallucination

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own xxxHOLiC. _

_**AN:**__ I have a cold. No seriously! Fever, __coughing__ and all. But a promise is a promise so here comes the second chapter. I hope you enjoy it because it took me twice as much effort than it normally would have. And please review, let me know if you like how it is __developing OK?_

_

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_**Chapter 2: Hallucination**

Next morning, Watanuki woke up early, too early. He took his time showering and cooking then, having nothing left to do, he went out. It was still early for school, so he decided to take a detour by the park and enjoy the warm spring sun and the blooming cherry trees. these days he did not have much time to enjoy simple things like that, not since he started working at Yuuko's. She always made him work hard all day long! Well, it was not as dreadful as it seemed because he did learn many things and he was not _**that**_ unhappy. Well, he was not unhappy most of the time, sometimes however...

Walking down the empty streets, Watanuki kept thinking about his _**new**_ life. It had been almost two years since he first encountered the dimensional witch and he knew he had changed a lot because of her, thanks to her. And also, probably because of a certain someone with overly chivalrous tendencies.

Watanuki frowned. Why was he thinking about the stupid archer so early in the morning?

He pushed himself to concentrate on what had brought him to that train of thoughts. Ever since he got up he had had the nagging feeling that he was forgetting something important. He just didn't know what until…

"Damn! Why on earth am I in front of the Doumeki temple?"

'_Wait that's it! Yuuko-san told me NOT to go to Doumeki's today!'_ Watanuki inwardly scolded himself. Now that he was in front of the Torii(1) gate Yuuko-san's warning did not seem as absurd anymore and he couldn't believe he'd actually forgotten what she said. After all she rarely said anything irrelevant except when teasing or asking for alcohol. Then again it was no wonder he forgot. He had gotten very little sleep that night, because of _**someone's**_ outrageous insinuations, so that his mind wasn't keen on fully awakening let alone remembering one of his employer's cryptic warnings...

"Well, It's not like I'm in the temple. Plus, as long as the idiot doesn't show up, I will have no reason to enter at al- "

"Oi"

"MY NAME IS NOT OI!" the words slipped from Watanuki's lips without a second thought. The reply had become a reflex. The very sound of the syllable filled him with an intense irritation that tossed aside any other thoughts or feelings.

He looked at the source of the outrageous sound. Doumeki, wearing his light green hakama(2), was standing at the top of the temple stairs a sweeping broom in his hands, not the least bit disturbed by the other teen's hostility.

Oblivious to Watanuki's earlier dilemma despite having heard him talking to no one, he asked him in his usual monotone voice:

"Why are you here?"

"Why you think? I'm going to school!" snapped the seer, now totally awake and utterly irritated.

Doumeki fixed inquiring eyes on the boy, obviously waiting for a better answer.

"It was still early, so I took the longest path. Satisfied?" added Watanuki in an effort to lift the unnerving gaze from his person.

Doumeki ignored the defiant tone of the last word and trailed off:

"Then you wouldn't mind helping me sweeping?" he asked.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I would be late otherwise."

The nerve of the guy! How can he so casually order him around. And in that matter-of-fact voice, like he had the right to do so! Watanuki opened his mouth, a stinging answer already rolling on his tongue. But he shut it, closed a guilty feeling washing over him. Doumeki must have slept in because he was up late the previous night, escorting _**him**_. So he just mumbled an inaudible "Whatever…" and stomped into the temple snatching the sweeping broom from Doumeki's hand in the process.

Doumeki suppressed a grin at the unusually compliant behavior of his _**rival**_ and simply followed suit, his face as expressionless as ever.

At the shop Yuuko smiled sadly, Watanuki had entered the temple despite her warning. Regardless of her efforts, it seemed Hitsuzen(3) had sealed his fate once more.

********

Doumeki observed that the sweeping chores were finished in record time. He looked at his classmate with measuring eyes and said:

"Watanuki, you really are skilled in these kinds of things."

"Why you bastard! I told you not to treat me like a girl-"

But Doumeki ignored his protests and headed towards his room:

"Wait here," he said. "I'll get changed and be back."

That said, he quickly disappeared, leaving Watanuki fuming in frustrated anger yelling about how he should be grateful that the great Watanuki-sama even talked to him let alone helped him SWEEPING.

Soon, though, the nice weather soothed Watanuki's anger and lulled him into a pleasant daydream in which he was having a date with Himawari and her ALONE, until the irritating word snapped him back to reality.

"Oi, Let's go."

The hot-tempered boy turned around to yell at the source of the interruption:

"How many times do I have to tell you? MY NAME IS NO-"

Watanuki's voice stopped in mid-rant. Not just his voice actually, all his body froze except for his eyes widening at the sight of some extraordinary thing. Doumeki got wary immediately.

"What is it?"

"You mean you don't see it?"

Doumeki and Watanuki were genuinely surprised that the 'apparition' was not visible to them both when Watanuki was so obviously worked up(4). And more importantly how could any spirit enter a temple, especially the _**Doumeki**_ temple?

"Oi! What is it?" urged Doumeki, wary of the look on Watanuki's face.

The boy couldn't tear his eyes away from the cherry tree in front of him. The massive tree, one of the biggest and probably one of the oldest trees of the area, was surrounded by a creeper covered in thorns. A woman was wrapped up in the vines, with only her face exposed. Watanuki could see that she wore a silk kimono with pale, elaborate patterns contrasting with the plant.

As if feeling his gaze upon her, the woman stirred. She lifted her head slowly, careful not to get pricked by the thorns surrounding her, then slowly opened her eyes. Watanuki could clearly see her face clearly now, and what a beautiful face it was. If she had not been visible only to him he would have sworn she was human.

Upon noticing his intent stare was directed at _**her**_, her eyes widened in surprise and color crept to her cheeks melting with her ivory skin in a delicate, warm pink. She tentatively held his gaze and Watanuki found himself intimidated by the unusually bright gray of her almond shaped eyes. They were beautiful and deep but there was so much pain in them and so much pleading. He simply couldn't avert his gaze.

Watanuki parted his lips to describe her to the anxious archer beside him but no words come. Startled, he raised his hands to massage his throat, but it was in vain. He was suddenly mute. Doumeki saw the gesture and thought Watanuki was suffocating or worse, being strangled. A surge of cold sweat passed through his whole body. He took the smaller boy by the shoulders and yanked him into his arms hoping to shake him off of the hold of his unseen assailant. Watanuki was totally taken aback by the sudden, almost brutal, embrace. He was even more startled by the gentle touch of Doumeki's hand massaging his back in a soothing manner.

"Are you all right?"

Doumeki's voice rang in the ear that wasn't pressed against the other boy's chest and Watanuki suddenly realized the awkward position he was in. With a gentle but firm push he freed himself from the other boy's hold and uttered a stuttering response

"Y-Yeah."

Watanuki was startled by his own voice. He wasn't hurt anywhere but he was sure he couldn't talk a moment earlier. He decided to put that aside and focus on the matter at hand: the tree spirit. He tried to describe her once more and started:

"It's just that" 'spirit woman who…'

Here it came again, he was totally muted. Watanuki, alarmed and unable to comprehend what was happening, glanced at the woman his eyes full of silent inquiry. She simply shook her head confirming his suspicion. It was no use trying to describe her, he would simply loose his voice whenever he tried speaking about her. Maybe it was some kind of powerful seal's doing, Watanuki thought. In any case he knew he was totally powerless, and with Doumeki anxiously waiting for an answer he couldn't investigate the matter any further. So he decided to act as if nothing had happened, though he hardly believed he could fool the boy.

"Whatever, let's just go to school," he said with an inaudible sigh.

Doumeki didn't budge. Instead he crossed his arms in a defiantly fashion instead and Watanuki knew he would have to deal with his stubbornness sooner or later, he just needed time to _**think**_.

"If you don't move _**now**_, we're going to be late and it will be all YOUR fault!" he prompted irritated.

With one last wary glance to the tree behind them, Doumeki complied and Watanuki was grateful for the reprieve.

********

Unfortunately, Doumeki did not seem disposed to let that slip and was obviously waiting for answers. At lunch, Watanuki could not bare the steel-like gaze that followed him everywhere since morning anymore. He finally snapped:

"It was nothing, okey," he snapped, "I was sleep deprived and I saw a mirage. It was just a hallucination so stop STALKING me like that, you IDIOT!"

Doumeki lifted an eyebrow clearly indicating that he would not take this half explanation for an answer and that he was still waiting for the whole story, but he said nothing and simply turned his attention to his lunch box until then untouched. At least he was leaving it for now...

Watanuki could see that the archer did not believe his lies but he had no choice. He was now convinced that it was impossible to communicate what he knew about the mysterious tree spirit. He had even tried to write about the incident that day, and failed each time because his hand wouldn't move. It was strange and frustrating, a feeling the seer was familiar with. More than seeing what no one else could see, he was now seeing what no one else could know!

Watanuki was worried. He couldn't just abandon the poor spirit no matter what she was. She looked so miserable he just _**had**_ to do something for her. Then it struck him. Yuuko must have known about that from the beginning which would explain her enigmatic advice the previous night. The thought relieved him a little and he relaxed, managing to get through the remainder of his school classes rather normally, confident that Yuuko would have all the answers. She was a powerful witch, no doubt she would know what to do.

********

When the bell rang announcing the end of the classes, Watanuki stormed out of school without bothering to wait for Doumeki. He purposely avoided him because he feared he would have to undergo another one of his silent interrogations.

He arrived at the wish-granting shop flushed and breathless. He immediately went to the witch and asked her:

"Yuuko-san, can you help me?"

The woman was lying on her usual couch, smoking her usual pipe, in her usual casual manner, but she looked at him with unusually regretful eyes:

"Watanuki. I can not grant a wish until it is formulated, otherwise no contract is made and no interference is allowed."

Watanuki stumbled, weary from the sprint and even more from the realization. 'No interference is allowed'. Did that mean he'd have to deal with it alone this time? The revelation made him feel empty and... stupid. He was alone before he met Yuuko and Doumeki and he had lived and dealt with supernatural matters just fine. But now he realized he was starting to really depend on their help.

"Why don't you _**forget**_ about that and hurry up to make me some snacks. I'm hungryyyyyyyy!"

Watanuki was startled. Yuuko-san had placed an odd emphasis on the word "forget". Was she suggesting, in her teasing way that he should forget about the tree-trapped spirit? She never said things randomly, after all she was the one to teach him a word's power(5). He thought it over while preparing her grilled fish and side dishes and he decided to follow her advice for once. Yuuko-san maybe a manipulative, sly, alcohol-addicted woman but she was not cruel, never to him. And, no matter what Watanuki trusted her.

* * *

_**(1)**__Torii: a traditional Japanese gate commonly found at the entrance of a Shinto shrine (or a Buddhist temple). The whole structure is made with two vertical columns supporting a rail and is traditionally painted in red._

_**(2)**__Hakama: A kind of formal kimono used by apprentice priests, among others._

_**(3)**__Hitsuzen: Yuuko's favorite word to describe what's inevitable, or "fated" (in the original version)._

_**(4)**__Light Spoiler: reference to the shared eye between Doumeki and Watanuki._

_**(5)**__Light Spoiler: reference to the story about the twin girls and how they bound themselves and each other with words...

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_

_**AN:**__ It is still rather short but there was much more information here right? Well, next chapter will be centred around Doumeki, his worries, his anger, his surprise. I'm still pondering on whether to make it a Doumeki POV or not. Do you have a preference?_

_Anyways, Please review! Praises, flames, I don't mind ;D_

_**Preview of next chapter:**_

_- Huh? Watanuki's singing? Doumeki's taping? What the hell are you writing?!_

_*authoress flinch* _

_- I'm sorry! I just kept wondering what Watanuki's voice would be like if he wasn't shouting, ranting or fawning over Himawari-chan._

_Well, if you want to know, watch out for next chapter: __**Lullaby**__._


	3. Chapter 3: Lullaby

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own xxxHOLiC. _

_**AN:**__ Ladies and gentlemen, here comes the third chapter of Price For A Voice. I apologize for the delay but you know holidays, parties, visitors, phones... I just didn't get enough time nor privacy to write in peace!_

_Anyway, enjoy and please review :D

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_

**Chapter 3: Lullaby**

Three days had passed since his must-forget encounter and Watanuki tried his hardest to follow his employer's advice. 'Why don't you forget?' The warning rang unpleasantly in his ears hinting at dire consequences yet his thoughts kept turning painfully to the bounded spirit, her helpless expression, her desperate gaze and the spark of hope he saw in her eyes when she realized he could see her.

Forgetting... He felt it was more like a betrayal, after all, he knew quite well how it felt to be alone and scared while nobody else notices. He really did try to forget about the whole encounter but he just couldn't turn a blind eye on someone who sought help so desperately, at least not without trying. Hence, Watanuki made up his mind. He would talk to the imprisoned spirit, show her she was no longer alone and he would deal with the consequences later.

However, something or rather someone was an obstacle to his project. A certain handsome-faced, strongly-built and socially-alienated archer, to be specific. The boy was now acting like a complete paranoid _**stalker**_. Watanuki could feel his gaze following him almost all day long and he would have gotten used to the other teen's over protective behavior if he didn't feel so mortified at being treated like a 'damsel in distress' by his rival nonetheless. Besides, the startled gazes this behavior attracted did nothing to ease the seer's worries.

Something had to be done but Watanuki couldn't argue as vehemently as he would normally, because he felt regretful for betraying yet another promise to the archer. He was once again putting himself knowingly and willingly in danger and he feared his behavior would harm the other teen too, like it had so many times before. It was a complex feeling, wanting to shake off his savior but feeling grateful that he cared. He just didn't want anyone to be hurt because of him, so he kept quiet and tried to avoid Doumeki as much as he could without raising his suspicions.

**********

As for Doumeki, he was growing more worried about Watanuki each passing day. The spirit magnet looked sad and anxious and he even seemed unusually quiet, so quiet that Doumeki was actually missing the shorter boy's rants.

The archer was slightly taken aback by Watanuki's behavior. He who never missed an occasion to shout and rant about needing to be left alone was now ignoring him, averting his gaze when their eyes met and avoiding his questions when he got the chance to ask some. If he didn't know better Doumeki would have thought the other teen hated him now, for real. Well, maybe he did think that sometimes and each time he felt the urge to look for the boy and test his temper.

It was really odd for Doumeki to feel deeply disturbed by someone when he was usually so impassive toward anything else. Anyway, whatever was affecting the seer _**had**_ to be bad and he needed to know what it was so he could act before it was too late. And since Watanuki refused to talk to him, he decided to ask the only person whom he knew had all the answers.

**********

He found Yuuko-san waiting for him in front of the shop's fence. She never failed to amaze him with her instinct, or should he say foresight?

"Good morning Doumeki-kun! You're early today."

Doumeki nodded slightly in greeting, then he spoke in his usual monotone voice, betraying none of the worries that were swarming on his mind.

"I came here to ask you about something."

A curious smile crossed the witch's lips. The boy was always straightforward which made it easier for her to deal with him. She leaned a more heavily against the old fashioned fence before replying:

"I'm sorry, but I cannot help you this time."

Although his face remained emotionless, Doumeki was surprised and even more worried by the fact that the powerful witch was unable to answer him.

"Is it a matter of price?" he asked, his voice still undisturbed.

"Well, not exactly" she admitted a knowing expression on her face and a sympathetic smile on her lips then she added:

"But I can tell you this: Watanuki can not talk about his situation either. Not even if he tries."

Doumeki didn't know if he should feel relieved that the seer's obstinate silence was not a matter of distrust, or worried by the implications of such a situation. He was not in the least reassured by this piece of information but he was really grateful for the witch to have provided it. He had been seriously worried that Watanuki would not confide in him even after all they had been through and he wouldn't rely on the seer to clear the misunderstanding. The boy would likely use the opportunity to flee from his grasp. He frowned.

"Is he in danger?"

"This depends on Watanuki and him alone."

The woman's voice was serious and thoughtful but then as quickly as it had appeared, the dark look on her face disappeared. She held out a small packet to Doumeki with a childish smile. Doumeki took it and eyed it intently.

It contained a purple butterfly-shaped box and it took Doumeki several seconds to realize it was a tape-recorder. Yuuko-san's voice prevented him from contemplating how he was supposed to put the object to use:

"For now you should just wait and see."

Then she added with a sly smile, "Besides, with this you can record his voice if you miss it too much. Right?"

He looked at her, raising his left eyebrow in a silent _"Who told you I wanted to?",_ then he turned his attention back to the tape recorder thinking inwardly, "_What a fearsome woman!"_

"And the price?" he asking blankly.

"A book from Haruka-san's collection will do."

He nodded his head in agreement.

"Good bye then Doumeki-kun" she said clapping her hands. Then, her slender figure vanished into the entrance of the magical shop.

Doumeki made his way to school, pondering over the recent revelations he'd gotten from the wish-granter. Then he thought with a growing frustration that even though his grandfather's collection was _**huge**_, he would soon be short of payments if the other teen kept up his reckless ways.

**********

Watanuki had finished his work early that day. Knowing that Doumeki had archery practice until quite late because of the approaching tournament, he went to the temple confident he would avoid him and wouldn't be asked to explain what business he had with a _**tree**_.

After a slight hesitation at the temple gate, Watanuki drew a deep breath and walked straight to the tree. He stood in front of the imprisoned spirit but made sure he was hidden behind the other trees from anyone coming through the gates, and heading to the main house. The woman looked at him silently, her gaze a mixture of surprise and curiosity.

Watanuki felt awkward and hesitant, then he smiled at her politely and started talking about himself, his past and his ability. It took him a while until she looked reassured and started talking to him too. She told him her story, the lonely days when no one could see her, and the reason for such a cruel punishment. Watanuki was pleased he had talked to her in the end because she seemed thrilled to finally have someone with whom she could communicate after long years of complete loneliness.

"So, no body ever saw you since that time?" Watanuki asked after she finished telling him about her circumstances.

"Umm... I think the previous keeper did notice me," she replied thoughtfully.

"Haruka-san did?" he asked

"Well, he would often sit here with his grandson telling stories in a loud voice so that I could hear them'' she mused. Then she added amused :"Sometimes the little boy would even plug a finger on his ear and complain about him being too loud."

"I see he didn't lose that habit!"

The woman giggled, recalling the numerous quarrels she had unintentionally witnessed between the two boys.

"He does that a lot when you're here too!" she commented.

Watanuki was about to answer her, but simply smiled instead, relieved to see her in higher spirits.

They continued chatting and the night had fallen before they even noticed. Realizing how late it was, Watanuki excused himself and hurried to the temple's gate only to find an evil spirit with hungry eyes waiting for him at the exit. He was trapped inside the temple!

Watanuki contemplated his options then decided to spend the night talking to the tree spirit. After all, it was almost summer so it would hopefully be warm enough for him to stay out and he could still sleep a little on the morrow since there is no school on Sundays. Beside, he wouldn't dare ask Doumeki to walk him home or shelter him, when he couldn't even explain why he was there in the first place.

**********

Later that night, Doumeki couldn't sleep pondering over what Yuuko had said. Despite her teasing manner of speaking, her line about him missing the seer's voice didn't ring right, especially after she had stated that the seer could not talk to him about his most recent problem. The more he thought about it the more he had the dreadful feeling that his friend's voice was going to vanish. Why else would the witch tell him to tape it?

Deciding that he needed a change of scenery, he got up, grabbed his school jacket -the closest one- and went out. He headed toward the storage room to find a book for Yuuko's payment.

The cool air outside had a soothing effect on him and tempted him to take a stroll through the garden. It was already quite late but the night was clear and the moon almost full so, in spite of the trees' shadows, it was rather clear outside. Doumeki enjoyed such nights. They reminded him of the time Haruka was still alive. The older man would have him sit beside him underneath a tree and spend the night telling him stories about the second world while smoking.

_'I should have paid more attention to his fantastic stories'_ thought Doumeki with nostalgia. He missed his grandfather and, now that he found himself involved with the second world because of _**him**_, he also missed the knowledgeable priest he represented. If Haruka were still alive, he would have certainly known what was happening. He would have been able to help. Doumeki clenched his fists in frustration. Why must he watch the other boy get hurt time after time? Was there really nothing he could do?

Suddenly a familiar voice interrupted his thoughts. Doumeki stopped in mid-step. Had he just heard Watanuki's voice? The archer quietly approached the source of the sound, and sure enough he found Watanuki sitting on the ground. The boy was facing the other way and talking to the tree in front of him. After a slight hesitation, Doumeki stepped closer to hear what he was saying. He was now quite close to where the boy sat, barely hidden behind the last tree between them, but the seer was so engrossed in his talk that he didn't notice him approaching at all.

From such a short distance, Doumeki could clearly hear what was being said and was highly surprised to find he was the subject of the talk.

"You see, he... he watches over me, worries about me and, somehow, this helped me recover happy feelings that I thought I had forgotten long ago. B-but still. I don't want him around. He's too stubborn. He's rash and he acts on his own getting himself injured because of _**me**_! He just doesn't understand when he should leave. Stupid Doumeki! He makes me shout at him, all the time. But I cannot help it because he never listens to what I say and his … emotionless stoic face just unnerves me!"

Doumeki was frozen still. It seemed so unreal to hear Watanuki, _**his**_ Watanuki, reveal his feelings out loud… to a tree nonetheless, and somehow the moonlight illuminating the whole scene made it even more surreal. When Doumeki snapped back to reality, catching a breath he didn't know he held, there was a silence in which he assumed an unseen entity was replying to the heated albeit confused statements of the seer. So Doumeki waited patiently for him to speak again all the while thinking that the boy should be saying those things to _**him**_.

"Well, to tell the truth, all those who care about me end up hurt, or dead and… I don't want that anymore! I know he's rude, stupid and stubborn but... I don't want him to be hurt because of me. Actually, I don't want him to be hurt _**at all**_."

_'Stupid Watanuki! What about you?'_ thought Doumeki, then he leaned against the tree he was hiding behind and let himself slide down quietly to sit on the ground. This might take a while. He knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping on a private conversation but, now that he had heard what Watanuki was thinking, he wished he could talk to him openly about it and get it over with. Actually, he wanted a proof that all this wasn't just his wishful thinking. And just then, he remembered the little tape recorder Yuuko had given him. Luckily, it was still in his school jacket's pocket and he scolded himself for not remembering it earlier. He would have _**loved**_ to tape that declaration. He switched it on anyways and turned his attention back to Watanuki.

The boy was saying something about it being pitiful to have had no peaceful sleep for hundreds of years. Then he was talking about the only lullaby he knew: the one his mother used to sing for him when he was too afraid of evil spirits to sleep. Watanuki sounded both nostalgic, and proud. Having lost both his parents at an early age, he avoided talking about them, probably because he hated being pitied. And while hearing him talk about his mother, Doumeki thought that Watanuki's early childhood might not have been as dark as he initially assumed.

Engrossed in his own thoughts, Doumeki didn't notice when Watanuki started _**singing**_. The tunes reached his ears in a slightly shaky flow, heavy from the feelings and memories they conveyed. Doumeki could barely recognize the voice he knew was Watanuki's. He closed his eyes and listened. The song was almost whispered but curiously Doumeki could hear it. Distinctly. He could hear it quivering. He could feel it filling the air with warm but sad waves, urging every sound around them to a sacred hush. But he could hardly believe this was Watanuki's voice. After all, he rarely heard him say anything except when screaming angrily. Nostalgia sadness, loneliness but also tenderness, and love. A mixture of Watanuki's confused feelings had changed his voice and Doumeki felt himself privileged to have heard this lullaby even if the boy wasn't singing for him.

In the blink of an eye the song had ended and Watanuki fell silent. Doumeki checked his recorder one more time before stopping it, confident that he didn't miss one bit of this unusual performance. Then he waited. When the silence stretched for long serene moments, Doumeki assumed that whatever was talking to Watanuki was not there anymore. He quietly stood up, thrust the recorder back into his pocket and advanced toward the other teen. Watanuki was still sitting on the floor,but now he was leaning back on his forearms his head tilted back to watch the sky. He looked thoughtful, absently following the stars with his eyes and didn't even notice Doumeki approaching.

"Oi!"

Watanuki jerked back. He turned to face the source of the noise and pointed a shaking finger at the boy standing before him.

"D-D- Doumeki? Why are you here?"

"This is my house you know."

"... Right."

Watanuki gulped and let his arm fell beside him feeling both tired and wary. He looked at Doumeki and waited for the inevitable question to come: Why was he there? Surprisingly, the other teen kept quiet and instead, he leaned over him and held out his hand.

Startled, the seer looked blankly at the offered hand not knowing what he was supposed to do with it.

"It's late, you should just stay the night," Doumeki explained. When Watanuki didn't budge, he added, "Come," a welcoming gesture of his hand emphasizing the abrupt invitation.

Watanuki's eyes widened in surprise. Like always there was nothing in the archer's voice or words to hint at his actual thoughts and he couldn't help but wonder why the archer was inviting him in. And more importantly, why wasn't he asking _**anything**_? He lifted his gaze to stare at the moonlit face in front of him. To anyone else, its expression would appear perfectly blank, but Watanuki had learned how to decipher his rival's features by now. Slightly pinched lips, an imperceptible frown and an unmistakably intent gaze: Doumeki didn't approve of the situation, and Watanuki was grateful he didn't demand any explanations when he so obviously wanted some. The spirit-magnet had learned that his rival was a man of action rather than words. Behind the mask of an emotionless Doumeki, laid an incredibly caring person. The rest was a matter of which would be stronger: Doumeki's protection or Watanuki's curse.

Shaking off the gloomy thoughts, Watanuki gripped the offered hand and stood up awkwardly, his legs numb from sitting so long on the ground. He focused on straightening himself to avoid the other teen's scrutiny then silently followed him. He was grateful for the invitation and even more for the respite. To be frank, Watanuki was too tired to answer any questions. Besides, what plausible explanation could he give for his strange behavior? Doumeki wasn't a gullible person and Watanuki just couldn't lie to him. Not now, not _**ever**_.

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_**AN:**__ What happens at Doumeki's house was initially part of this chapter but I thought I should upload it anyways because starting Wednesday I have exams, so it might have taken a while for me to update._

_Now, how about a little comment to raise my spirits ;) I always feel soooooooo down when exams are up*sigh*_

_Anyways, d__id you see? The chapters keep getting longer each time, I don't know why but well, I hope the quality isn't dropping *worried glances* _

_**Preview: **_

_Doumeki: So, she's been spying on us all this time... How come I never sensed her?_

_Me: Oh you were listening? *sweat drops* It's nothing. Really. Besides you weren't supposed to know about her for now._

_Doumeki: *rises eye brow questioningly* Hum? Who is she anyway? And what business does she have with __**him**__? _

_Me: Well, it's a long story..._

_Doumeki: I have time to spare, especially when he's involved._

_Me: *sigh* Fine! Look out for next chapter __**The curse of beauty.**__ It is about the mysterious tree spirit, her past, the reason behind her imprisoning and a couple of other explanations. Are you satisfied?!_

_Turning back to the readers: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! See you soon ;)_


	4. Chapter 4: The Curse of Beauty

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own xxxHOLiC. _

_**AN:**__ The forth chapter of Price For A Voice! I'm finally done with my exams and back to a more enjoyable activities. As I said, this chapter will be centered on Yukino Fujiwara, the mysterious tree spirit. However I'll be picking up the story where we left it off: Watanuki and Doumeki together ^_^ _

_**AN2:**__ I had many different things to explain so this chapter is sort of a compilation of 5 shorter parts which is why I had it explicitly cut in five. Not that it affects the story... Anyways, enjoy and please review!_

_**Note:**__ I went through the previous chapters and changed some parts. It's nothing crucial, mostly spelling and grammar mistakes, thought you ought to know.

* * *

_

**Chapter 4: The Curse Of Beauty**

**Part1: Doumeki's guest **

Watanuki was nervous. He had never been to a friend's house before, except for the Hyaku-Monogatari(1) ritual he'd attended in the Doumeki temple almost two years ago. At that time, he did not really have the chance to wander about exploring the house. Actually, he pretty much saw nothing but the empty room where they settled to tell ghost stories. Besides, Yuuko-san was there that day, and Himawari-chan too! Now he was _**alone**_ with Doumeki in this huge, quiet house.

Watanuki's thoughts slowly drifted from his growing awkwardness to reflect on the fact that he never actually saw anyone beside the archer in the main house. Where were his parents? And how come he never saw them or heard about them? He'd been hanging around with Doumeki a lot -too much for his liking- yet, he realized he knew little about him. Of course Doumeki was to blame for that, he barely said anything at all, but still...

Watanuki frowned, completely distracted by this new train of thoughts and forgetting the pair of eyes that were watching him closely. Doumeki, deciding that whatever the seer was so intently reflecting on could wait, interrupted:

"You need to warm yourself up. Go take a bath. ''

Then locking his gaze on the startled blue-gold eyes of his guest he added, "We _**will**_ talk later.''

Watanuki blinked a few times at the commanding tone. He opened his lips to complain, but somehow he couldn't find the energy to argue for the moment. He was more tired than he'd thought. Letting a sigh slip from his half opened mouth, he simply nodded and headed in the direction Doumeki pointed at.

A bath was quite an enjoyable proposition but Watanuki couldn't help the growing sense of dread that drained him slowly of whatever energy he had left: he would still have to explain things. Dragging his feet to the bathroom, Watanuki started undressing slowly, his muscles numb and his mind intent on finding a good explanation for his presence in the temple.

The sound of footsteps right behind him made him turn abruptly, nearly slipping on the wet floor. A trembling hand gripping the drawers beside him, Watanuki glared at the intruder to hide the rising heat rising in his cheeks.

"Get out!'' he shouted, "I'm undressing.''

Doumeki, as stoic as ever, replied flatly, "You should have locked the door.''

Watanuki bit his lip, he was not used to having someone around, so there was usually no need to lock the doors before.

"You should have _**knocked**_ on the door!'' he shot back, not willing to forgive the intrusion.

Doumeki watched as a lovely pink spread over the ivory skin of the boy in front of him. He trailed the rushing blood from the delicate face, down the thin long neck and onto the now bare torso. The boy was surprisingly well built for someone with such a slender figure, then again he always did great in PE. Running from hungry spirits all day long might have helped too...

Deciding that Watanuki's patience, and embarrassment ware fairly consumed, the host put an end to his examination and moved on to the purpose of the irruption.

"I got you some of my _**old**_ clothes. They should fit you.''

Watanuki did not miss the slight emphasis the word 'old', and it made him break into full-anger mode, as expected.

"What do you mean they _**should**_ fit me?'' he roared.

But Doumeki had already left the bathroom, barely suppressing a smirk.

**Part2: The promise**

Watanuki took his time bathing. He let the stream of scorching hot water wash over him soothing his numb limbs and quickly relaxing every nerve of his body. He _**tried**_ not to think, concentrating on the sound of water running from the shower. He tried, but it was a wasted effort. The archer was waiting for him outside, and he had nowhere to hide from him.

Anyways, avoiding him these past few days felt... wrong. It made him feel uneasy and disturbed, almost wishing for the other boy to find him when he was so clearly hiding from him. And Watanuki believed it had been enough. No more cowardly behavior, he needed to talk things through and face the other boy head on.

Watanuki got out of the shower, hastily putting on the clean clothes and drying his damp hair with a towel. When he was finished, he found Doumeki was waiting for him in the kitchen.

Doumeki noted with mischievous satisfaction the embarrassment on Watanuki's face: the clothes fit him _**perfectly**_. Watanuki had no trouble noticing the smug expression on the otherwise emotionless face but, in an effort to spare them both yet another one-sided argument, he offered to brew tea. Doumeki, being his usual self, dismissed it asking for hot chocolate instead. Watanuki fumed. So in the end, hot chocolate it was but not without a fight...

Silence fell when Watanuki finally set two steaming cups on the table with a loud thud. The cacao aroma slowly filled the quiet kitchen where Doumeki was sipping on his drink and Watanuki was nervously wrapping his fingers around his hot mug.

Doumeki was the first one to speak "I know you _**can't**_ tell me.''

His statement made, he stopped to observe the other boy's reaction. Watanuki shocked and confused, dropped his gaze to stare at the hot mug in his hands. He waited for the other teen to continue, but Doumeki said nothing and the silence stretched, making the atmosphere between them awkward and heavy to the point of becoming physically painful. Doumeki seemed fine though.

Watanuki kept sliding his finger, tracing nervously invisible circles on the blank surface of the cup he was holding. Was he supposed to say something? Or was he actually exempt from explaining things? He didn't know if he should feel relieved or alarmed that the archer knew about it at all.

Doumeki took another sip from his drink and continued:

"I won't ask you to answer my questions. However, I need you make a promise.''

Watanuki shifted uncomfortably. He did not like making promises because he did not like breaking them whether intentionally or unintentionally. Doumeki narrowed his eyes and continued:

"Do _**not**_ put your self in danger.''

Watanuki considered what little choice he had. Seriously, it's not like he wanted to put himself in danger, it's just that danger always came his way...

"So,'' urged Doumeki "can't you at least promise me that?''

"Alright, alright, '' Watanuki relented, "I won't do anything reckless.''

Doumeki eyed him suspiciously, then he decided that this half-promise would do for the moment. He would get back at him later.

Satisfied, he finished off his hot chocolate and said, ''Good. Now let's get some sleep.'' before standing up and proceeded to put his cup in the sink.

When the archer exited the kitchen, Watanuki let a smile appear on his face; the other boy was going easy on him. He could be so caring...

**Part3: Oyasumi(2)**

When Watanuki reached the room where he was supposed to sleep, he was greeted by an unusual view. Two futons(3) were laid side by side on the tatami(4) floor, a very disturbing sight but a warm one nonetheless. The boy had gotten used to being alone and this made him feel like he had been missing something all this time.

A shifting at his right side made him turn his attention to his surroundings. He spotted Doumeki retrieving blankets from the drawers, and putting them on both mattresses. A quick glance made him realize that the room was bare of any furniture except for the freshly disposed futons, the drawers, and a small bedside table with a jug of water and an empty glass.

"Is this your room?'' he asked.

"No, it's not.''

Watanuki sighed. He could pretty much figure out on his own that the room was unused. He couldn't feel Doumeki's presence in it, nor anyone's for that matter, but he still didn't know why the archer would choose to abandon his own room in favor of this empty one. Was it only for the sake of keeping an eye on him even when he was asleep?

The seer reasoned that there was no use arguing with the archer, after all he already knew that the boy did not have a drop of common sense. Besides, now that he had seen the beds closely laid one next to the other, he did not feel like sleeping alone on an empty room. So, when Doumeki sat on one of the mattresses, he quietly went to the remaining one and settled himself on it, turning his back to the archer beside him in a childish pout.

Watanuki thought over and over about what he and Doumeki had been through. The archer had been beside him on all his recent ventures and had proved to be helpful, caring and strangely engaging. The seer was now used to having him around, and felt safe with him though he'd be damned if he were to show anything but irritation. He realized he was being overly mean to him most of the time.

Watanuki turned around and looked at the sleeping face barely inches away from his own. It was calm but nothing like the stoic emotionless mask it usually wore, more like a gentle, peaceful expression. The way he looked while sleeping, Doumeki was no longer the irritating, smug rival. Watanuki smiled fondly at him and whispered softly, convinced that he was already asleep:

"Thank you _Shizuka_, Oyasumi.''

Then he shifted back to his other side, ready to fall asleep.

Doumeki fought hard to keep his breathing even and the loud thumping of his heart on check. The seer had taken him by surprise whispering his first name in such a tender voice that he had trouble keeping himself from opening his eyes to peek at the expression he was wearing. Still, Watanuki had definitely called his first name out loud. So, was it safe to assume they were closer now?

Doumeki knew better than to confront the boy and make him admit things. The seer would probably dismiss it all in one of his loud ranting fits and, why spoil the moment? He heard him, he knew some of his inner thoughts and that was enough. He waited for the seer's breath to even out, indicating that he was asleep before finally murmuring:

"Oyasumi, _Kimihiro_.''

**Part4: The other Doumeki**

Watanuki had barely drifted into sleep when he found himself sitting on a familiar porch, looking at familiar scenery and smelling a familiar tobacco scent. He knew immediately who was there, beside him. The elder man was intimidating yet comfortable to be around, the exact opposite of his grandchild.

Watanuki contemplated the difference between the two Doumekis, a small smile on his lips. Neither man could be ignored, and both made him feel safe and warm though in _**very**_ different ways. While Haruka-san appeared like a father figure: strong, mature and knowledgeable, Shizuka was... well reliable and attractive but still very irritating. It's just that Watanuki couldn't help but feel aware of the other teen's every move. He could never ignore him or even feel calm with him around. And of course he couldn't appreciate Shizuka's good points like being honest, caring, and strong- they were RIVALS after all! It did not matter how many times he felt relieved to have him around, how many times the boy helped him, saved his life at his the expense of his own safety. No, it did not matter.

Watanuki willed his sad thoughts away and greeted the man beside him, his smile back on his face.

"Haruka-san, konbanwa(5)''

"Konbanwa, Watanuki-kun. Have you been well?''

The smile on Watanuki's face faded away replaced by a grim expression. He was there for a reason and he could pretty much guess what it was.

"Do you want to talk about it?'' asked the elder man feeling his neighbor's discomfort.

The teen glanced at the man sitting beside him for the first time since he had appeared in this dream. The face in front of him smiled encouragingly.

"Yeah'' he breathed, grateful for the offer.

The other Doumeki waited patiently, eyes on the eternally unchanging scenery before him, while Watanuki organized the jumble of his confused thoughts. Many things had happened in the past few days and much more in the current evening, and he did not know what was worth mentioning nor how much he was able to tell. He decided to start with the most confusing thing, and relay on Haruka-san's helpful questions to unravel the rest.

"I met a girl in your garden.'' he started tentatively half expecting his voice to vanish in the middle of the sentence. When it did not, he continued with more specific information.

"Actually, she was bound to the main cherry tree of the shrine and from what I saw she's not human, but she's not a spirit either because I would have seen her before... ''

Watanuki stopped talking, a bit surprised that his voice was still fine when it should have vanished as it had many times before. Noticing the thoughtful expression on the boy's face, the priest asked in concern, "Watanuki-kun, is something the matter?''

Watanuki denied it, shaking his head energetically.

"Not at all. It's just that I should not be able to talk about it. Well, you see- err... I should probably start from the beginning, though it's going to be rather long.''

"Go ahead.'' encouraged the elder man.

A bit confused, Watanuki decided to start from the beginning: Yuuko-san's strange request to spend the night at her shop. He had no intention of mentioning the escorting episode, though. That would be too mortifying.

When he finished relating the first day he'd encountered with the girl and what Yuuko-san had told him when he asked for her help, he stopped and asked:

"Haruka-san, how come I can talk about her now? I don't think anything changed...''

"I think the issue is not that you can talk about her now, but that you can talk about her here.''

When Watanuki blinked in confusion, the knowledgeable priest added, "You see, this is not the realm of humans or spirits. This is the realm of dreams. My guess is that the binding spell that was cast on her does not extend to this realm, which is why we can talk freely about her here.''

"Oh...''

"But, there is still something I don't quite understand.''

"There is?'' Watanuki looked at the man a bit startled.

"Yes, I would like to know why you were able to see her at all.''

"Well, I usually see things that no one else sees, so it's not that surprising.''

"But you never saw her before, did you?''

The teen's eyes widened in realization. He slowly shook his head afraid of the implications of this new information. He looked intently at the older priest puffing thoughtfully on his pipe and waited for him to talk. However, when Haruka-san spoke, he did not answer the question he himself had raised, he asked Watanuki a new one instead.

"What was the package you retrieved for Yuuko-san?''

"Umm, it was an old incense burner that apparently had magical powers. We had to get it from a GRAVEYARD in the middle of the night, can you believe it? As if I did not have enough problems with spirits harassing- Wait a minute. You mean...?''

"Yes, I think the item you held was destined for realm-crossing. Magical items often affect anyone who touches them even after they are no longer in their hands. I bet, its effect would have worn off if you'd come one day lated and you would not have seen the girl.''

Watanuki kept silent. He felt stupid for not seeing the connection between the two facts earlier. Now that Haruka-san had mentioned it, every thing seemed to make sense, both Yuuko-san's request to avoid Doumeki's house for a day and the fact that Doumeki could see nothing. It all made sense yet Watanuki was still perplexed.

"If she is neither in the spirit realm nor on the human nor in this one, then where is she?''

"I think she's been trapped between the two realms, invisible to both.''

"I see. Then why was I still able to see her? I have not touched that thing again since the day I retrieved it.''

"I'm not sure, but I think when you saw her for the first time it affected her curse, and made you unable to talk about her instead of unable to see her...''

The elder priest looked a little disturbed. He puffed silently on his pipe thinking, then he looked at the worried teen beside him and said reassuringly, "Why don't you tell me the rest of the story, Watanuki-kun? We might find more clues.''

"Right.''

Watanuki gathered his shattered thoughts and resumed his tale.

"Well, I was curious about the girl's circumstances and since Yuuko-san could not help me I decided to ask her directly. She said that her name was Fujiwara(6) Yukino, and that she had been there since the late years of the Heian dynasty. She also said that she suspected you to knew about her. Is that true Haruka-san?''

"Hmm, I wouldn't say that I knew about her, I just sensed something different about that tree, nothing definite though.''

"I see. Anyways, we had time to spare so she told me what she still remembered about her past.''

And thus Watanuki began relating Yukino's life story.

**Part5: The Curse of Beauty**

Yukino was born to a loving mother and a noble father, on a snowy night(7). Her early childhood was filled with warm loving memories. Unfortunately, it did not last long.

War thrust the whole empire into misery and her family did not escape its wrath. Poverty struck, and with her illness took hold of her mother, who died in child birth leaving behind her a five years-old daughter, an infant son and a pain-stricken husband.

To protect his children and status, Yukino's father took his family's advice and remarried a rich merchant's daughter a few years later. The marriage was convenient for both sides; he would have a mother for his children, and money to regain his fading power, and she would have the status of a noble lady.

However, the new mistress of the house was very hostile to both of her husband's children, especially after she gave birth to her own daughter. She argued with her husband day in and day out that there was no need for two daughters in a still-poor house. Finally he surrendered to her wish. Thus, Yukino was sent to the royal palace as an apprentice chamber-maid for the empress, a position that only women from the noble caste could claim. The position was enviable, but to the nine-year-old Yukino it was nothing short of exile. She cursed the fate that failed her, the father that abandoned her and more than anything else the poverty that led her to such a lonely life.

Surprisingly, she adapted quickly to her new environment. She worked diligently and never complained, which earned her praises and much-appreciated gifts. By the time she was 11, she was already serving Tsubaki-hime, the crown prince's first and _**only**_ consort. Despite her current position, Tsubaki-hime was not from a noble family. She was a commoner that had won over the prince's heart with her beauty and her graceful dances. And he ended up taking her to the palace where no commoner was ever allowed before her.

Needless to say, that her position in the palace was highly criticized by the court but Yukino turned a blind eye on the rumors. After all, her mistress was beautiful, skilled, and gentle. Besides, she and the crown prince really loved each other so there was no reason for them not to live happily together like any other couple in love.

Somehow, her mistress could feel her sympathy and took a liking to her. She brought Yukino with her everywhere. Banquets, dinners or private parties, she was always there and would focus on her mistress's every move. The woman had a grace that reminded her of her deceased mother and Yukino couldn't help , following her example. She learned how to walk, to talk and even how to dance and sing like her, and she enjoyed practicing secretly whenever she could.

One day however she was caught red-handed. She had barely finished performing a dance she had seen that night, all the while humming the tune, when a warm applause made her take note of her surroundings. She was still in the garden, which was supposed to be deserted at that time of night, but she was no longer alone. Tsubaki-hime and the crown prince were there, looking at her. Confused and embarrassed she dropped her head, mumbling inaudible apologies. The crown prince let a pleasant laugh fill the air.

"Such a talented young girl. It's a waste having you do everyday chores,'' he commented.

"Tsubaki, why don't you take her under your custody and teach her some of your breathtaking dances?''

"Yes your Majesty, I'd be glad to.''

And since that day, Yukino found a new mother in the person of Tsubaki-hime. They talked, bathed and danced together. She would often ask her to dance at a gathering to show proudly how skilled and beautiful her apprentice, her daughter was. And, Yukino was happy to have such a doting mother. She felt herself grow more attached to Tsubaki-hime even thought there was no blood bond between them.

However when Yukino reached her sixteenth birthday, things between her and her foster mother started to change. Yukino's beauty had bloomed in the last few years and she was no longer a child. She was now a full-fledged woman, a _**rival**_ to her own mother. Then the emperor came to pour oil on the fire.

The emperor openly disapproved of his son's choice. Marrying a commoner could only bring discord within the royal court and would lead the country to yet another period of conflicts. It was then that he received a request from a certain noble to retrieve his daughter from the palace service. Apparently, when faced with poverty, the man had to separate from his beloved daughter who was barely nine at the time. And now that he was wealthy again he wanted her back to make amends for the time they had lost. A touching story but unfortunately quite common, and the emperor was not in any disposition to ponder ever such trivial matters.

However, one of his advisers pointed out that the said daughter happened to be Yukino, the rumored apprentice of the crown prince's consort, known as "The Blooming Flower''. With that, the emperor's decision was set. His son was to marry Yukino, first born of the esteemed Fujiwara family, and that was final!

The rumor spread through the palace like wildfire. Yukino did not think much of the news, only that this was an opportunity for her to get back her lost freedom, her lost status and most importantly her lost family. She who had grown up loathing poverty, was totally blinded by the alluring promises of endless power and treasures and forgot her earlier prayers for Tsubaki-hime and her lover to be allowed to marry and live happily.

As for the crown prince, he could make no objection to formulate. As a man he could not deny Yukino _**was**_ the most beautiful woman at the palace and probably even in the whole empire, and as a ruler he could not ignore that a noble woman was better fit to be his bride.

So in a matter of days, Tsubaki-hime was left to face the inevitable fact that both the man she had faithfully loved for more than seven years and the girl whom she had raised like her own daughter were betraying her. She felt sad, angry, bitter and extremely jealous. She knew she was no longer the most beautiful gem of the palace.

Desperate as she was, she could not resist the temptation the devil brought her way in the form of a malicious old maid. While combing her messy hair after a long night full of agony and tears, the woman had purred in her ear, "Poor thing. Betrayed by your own daughter! You should teach her not to steal someone else's belongings.''

Tsubaki burst out into a loud frantic laugh.

"Teach her a lesson? Me? How can I? I have no power over her now. Actually, I have no power at _**all**_," she said after her laugh had died.

"Oh, but you _**can**_, my lady.''

Tsubaki eyed her maid's reflection in the mirror in front of her as if the woman was more insane than she was herself. The maid simply smiled.

"Back in my home town," she explained, "we used to put a binding curse on unrighteous women.''

"A curse?'' echoed Tsubaki in horror. "What on earth do you-''

"Wait, my lady,'' the maid interrupted, "it is not as awful as it sounds. The curse erases simply in the woman's past from everyone's memory and chains her to a tree where nobody can see her so that she will learn what it feels like to become nonexistent, invisible. Is this not how you feel, my lady?''

"Yes, nonexistent. As if my presence was not needed anymore," admitted the princess, biting her lower lip in angry frustration. Then she looked up to her maid, her expression softened to sadness rather than anger.

"But, that would be too much for that child, she is still too young to be aware of the pain she's causing. And I know she did not do it on purpose. Not on purpose...'' she repeated in an effort to convince herself.

The maid sighed and said, "Are you sure, my lady? Is it not time for her to learn how to think about others? At this rate she will only become more and more spoiled. Plus, even if you were to punish her, you would still be free to remove the spell anytime you want.''

Tsubaki-hime turned a questioning gaze to her maid who responded immediately.

"As I said, when a woman is cursed with this binding spell, all memory of her will vanish. Only the one who cast the spell would be able to remember the girl and thus to unbind her simply by calling her name out loud.''

"Oh, I see...''

The maid could see that she had won over her mistress. After a bit more prompting, Tsubaki-hime agreed to cast the spell on Yukino. So, on a full-moon night, Yukino received a missive from her ex-mistress asking her to come talk with her alone in the garden. Yukino happily obliged. She had been waiting for a chance to talk with the women she thought of as her mother so she could explain her position clearly and sincerely, and she thought her guardian felt the same.

At the garden, she waited under a blossoming cherry tree. She heard footsteps approaching so she turned her head to see who was coming. The next thing she knew, it was morning and she was bound to the tree under which she was waiting with a thorny vine. She cried for help at the top of her lungs, only to realize with horror that nobody could hear or see her. So she waited. She waited for someone to notice that she was no where to be found, in vain.

The day passed, followed by another and no one seemed to notice her or even notice her disappearance.

"Don't bother waiting for anyone to come look for you. Nobody remembers you anymore. And, don't waste your effort talking to me. I can't hear you nor see you either.''

After that Tsubaki-hime carefully touched the tree and added, "I'll come talk to you again.'' Then she turned around and went back to her private quarters, effectively disappearing from Yukino's sight and leaving her with more questions and a rising fear.

As for Tsubaki-hime, she was at first thrilled to see that everything went back to how it had been before she met Yukino, and she obstinately refused to think about her. She even avoided strolling by the cherry tree in order to avoid the memory of what she had done to get her position back. Then her guilt started to taunt her. And now that she had witnessed with her own eyes that Yukino was nowhere, she felt miserable, like she had killed her, but she still couldn't bring herself to unbind her, not until she was married to the prince like she was meant to be. And that was exactly what she said to Yukino when she went by her tree the next morning.

Since then, it had become a habit for her to take her breakfast under the tree and talk to the invisible girl. It helped appease her guilty conscience, and gave her the feeling that when she would finally call Yukino's name out, things would go back to the way they were between them before this whole craziness started.

Tsubaki-hime was so engrossed in her own world of hopes and regrets that she did not notice the odd behavior of her old maid. She was frequently seen with the first princess(8) of the Taira(9) family, all smiles and reverences, yet Tsubaki-hime still trusted her blindly. A very foolish choice indeed.

A month after the binding spell was cast, Tsubaki-hime was eating her breakfast in her usual spot under the cherry tree, drinking happily her morning tea while announcing that she was to marry the crown prince in a fortnight. And she added, looking up the tree with a smile, that Yukino's pain would end very soon. She let out a deep sigh and added :

"I just hope, someday, you'll forgive me.''

Tsubaki-hime, started drinking again her tea, totally unaware of the hysterical fit that the invisible girl was having. Yukino was screaming "NO," struggling to get free of her chains, oblivious to the thorns digging into the soft skin on her hands and face. Her tears fell from her eyes leaving burning trails on the fresh wounds. She tried for a long time to catch her only remaining acquaintance's attention, in vain. Then, she went quiet and silently watched her sip her poisoned tea, enjoying its overly bitter taste.

Yes, she had seen the old maid pour a suspicious-looking powder into the tea and had tried her best to warn her guardian. In almost no time at all, Tsubaki started feeling dizzy and when she realized what was happening, she was already on the floor, unable to move. In her last moments, the princess thought of her forgotten daughter. She had to unbind her. She opened her lips to call out her name but she couldn't summon enough breath to speak the words. She looked up to the tree, tears welling in her eyes and kept trying to call for the missing girl until she could not longer move.

Yukino watched her foster mother's death with growing despair. They had loved each other like family, they had betrayed each other like enemies and they had tried to save each other's lives like friends but neither of them found her voice to accomplish her last will. Now Tsubaki-hime was dead, and Yukino was bound to the cherry tree for all eternity.

******

His story finished, Watanuki fell silent and waited patiently for Haruka-san to talk. The older man kept puffing on his pipe, gazing off into the distance with a slight frown on his forehead.

"What are you going to do?'' he finally asked, gently.

"I thought you might have an idea,'' Watanuki answered, surprised.

Haruka-san considered again, then after a long minute he said, "I am afraid this curse can not be lifted.''

"You mean there's nothing we can do to free her?'' asked Watanuki incredulously.

"That is not what I said,'' corrected the priest.

"But- Oh! You mean...''

Watanuki looked into the familiar yet totally different face of the elder Doumeki to see if he had understood correctly. And when the deep hazel eyes looked back at him, he couldn't repress the feeling of dread that washed over him. Averting this gaze from the face that reminded him of the archer that was currently sleeping at an arm's distance from him, he stared at the moon and said softly, resolutely, "I see.''

* * *

(1) Hyaku Monogatari: a Japanese rite to call forth ghosts by telling scary tales. Refers to one of the early chapters of xxxHolic (volume 2 in the manga, episode 10 of S1 in the anime) where the four of them reunited in a summer night at Doumeki's.

(2) Oyasumi: 'Good night' in Japanese.

(3) Futon: flat mattress still commonly used in Japan.

(4) Tatami floor: made in individual mats with uniform size and shape. They represent a traditional Japanese flooring. Very common in old structures such as shrines.

(5) Konbanwa: japanese word for ''Good evening.''

(6) Fujiwara: a very powerful noble family of the Heian era (794-1185) in Japan.

(7) The name Yukino has the word Yuki in it. Yuki being the Japanese word for snow. Cute isn't it?

(8) It was customary to refer to daughters of noble families as _**Hime**_, the Japanese word for princess

(9) The Taira family, a warrior family that had come to dominate the imperial court in the late Heian period (794-1185) in Japan.

* * *

_**AN:**__ Sorry, if you think Yukino's life story was too long. I couldn't help it. I wrote all that in one go and I couldn't bring my self into cutting more parts than I already have. It's just that I really wanted all of you to feel for her the way Watanuki does. She really doesn't deserve to be there any longer, right?_

_**Note:**__ Despite using many historical facts and real names of noble families, Yukino's life story is a product of my sole imagination. Just so you know..._

_**AN:**__ Chapter 4 finished! How was that? I really wanted to update sooner but, there's just not enough hours in a day or not enough days in a week... I hope it was worth the wait though. Now, how about a little review?_

_**Preview:**_

_Me: *scratching head perplexed* Are you sure about this? _

_Watanuki: Yeah. _

_Me: *heavy sigh* Poor Doumeki, I really don't want to do that to him. _

_Watanuki: Well, there's nothing else we can do, right? _

_Me: Still, how can you be so cruel? Now that you've shared a room, shouldn't you two get closer? _

_Watanuki: *blushing furiously* Wh- why are you bringing that up now? Besides, I'm not being cruel since Doumeki won't feel any pain. _

_Me: *glaring back at Watanuki* Actually he won't feel a thing, neither pain nor happiness. He'll just feel __**empty**__! _

_Watanuki: *crossing his arms stubbornly* Please, just do it. _

_Me: Fine! But I'm not responsible for your mess! Seriously, how can you so easily think of a stranger's happiness before Doumeki's and your own? *Turning back to the readers*: Next chapter __**Empty Without You**__. Watanuki makes a decision and Doumeki faces the consequences alone, once more._


	5. Chapter 5 Part 1: Power of a Name

_**AN: **Hello everyone! Long time no see... Well I got busy somehow, and I was very SLOW. My writing that is... However, even if the chapter is not quite finished, I decided I should update. So, this is the first part of the fifth chapter of the story. The climax is finally closing up. So read, enjoy and please let me know what you think ;)_

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own xxxHOLiC. _

* * *

**Chapter 5: Empty without you**

**Part1: Power of a name**

Watanuki woke up to an unusual warm feeling. Not hot, just warm, cozy and safe. It had been a long time since he felt that well upon awakening. Actually, since his parents' death he usually woke up and immediately busied himself with housework to distract himself from the everlasting stalking monsters that were staring at him from outside his window. Today however, he couldn't feel their hungry gazes and it was great. A pleased humming escaped his lips as he snuggled a bit more in his futon, and against the warm blanket. He was too comfortable to get up. Besides, he deserved to rest from time to time.

Not really sleepy, Watanuki kept his eyes closed and concentrated on this blissful feeling. The first thing he noticed beside the overwhelming warmth was heaviness. Something heavy and unmoving was weighting on his right side. He shifted a bit trying to free himself while feeling an impending panic rising in him. As feared the thing tightened its grip around him, pulling him closer. Cold sweat broke, and Watanuki felt really, _**really**_ scared. _'This is weird.'_ he thought, _'Why is it warm?'_ He slowly opened his eyes, careful not to let the thing notice he was awake and waited for his blurry vision to adjust to his surroundings, since he couldn't reach for his glasses without being noticed. What he saw however, was not what he expected. It was not an eerie looking tentacle, it was a human arm, a slightly tan, fairly muscular and perfectly still human arm. Watanuki gaped at it and slowly let his gaze travel up the unmoving limb to the shoulder it was connected to then the neck, the chin, the lips. Watanuki kept staring, afraid to see more, and the lips moved:

"Ohayo(1)."

A dead-pan, emotionless tone. Definitely Doumeki. Watanuki closed his eyes again.

"Wh-What do you think you're doing?" he inquired angrily.

"You were cold," Doumeki answered without moving an inch.

"Let go!"

"You're the one holding tight."

Watanuki's eyes snapped open irritation filling every inch of his body, and anger thundering in his mind bringing forth a terrible headache.

"Say what? I will _**never**_ hold on to the likes of you!"

"Well, it looks to me like you do. And it was like that for the _**whole**_ night."

Watanuki's eyes traveled from the unnervingly stoic face to his own shaking hands and sure enough they were tightly clutching the fabric of the archer's shirt.

"GYAAAAAA!"

He jerked back furiously blushing. He stared at the empty space on the futon where he was laying _**in Doumeki's arms **_then to his own deserted futon. He could vaguely remember what happened the previous night and why he ended up sharing the same room as the big oaf but, this, _**this**_ was something else!

"Na-na-na-na Nande(2)?"

"You sleepwalk?"

"I DO NOT- ow!"

Watanuki stopped mid-rant a sharp pain shot on through his throat. Doumeki was beside him in the blink of an eye and stared at him while he coughed eyes teary and face flushed.

"You have a cold."

Watanuki glared at him.

"You were shaking last night too."

Watanuki paused not knowing what to do with this new piece of information.

"I don't have a fever." he countered.

"Not yet."

Watanuki glared at the archer again. His over-protective tendencies were really bothersome. He sighed heavily at the way his unusually perfect morning got spoiled because of this moron, but didn't want to argue any longer with him. His head felt heavy and his throat sore.

"What time is it? Won't you be late for practice?" He asked trying a change of subject.

"I'm not going. I'll watch over you."

"You will NOT. I'm fine!"

"..."

Watanuki stood up refusing to be dragged in Doumeki's pace once more and risk coughing his lungs out.

"Listen. I'll go fix us some breakfast so get going!"

Doumeki looked at him, probably surprised he himself proposed to cook for him, then he simply stood up and headed to the door. '_He's not arguing... He must have something up his sleeve'_ mused Watanuki. Doumeki turned back to him and stated "I want Inari-zushi(3)." before exiting.

Watanuki's "I DO NOT TAKE ORDERS" rang in the corridor before a new fit of coughing took over him.

***

"What is this?"

"Omurice(4)."

"Where is the Inari-zushi?"

A vein on Watanuki's head begun throbbing, calling back his earlier headache. He was feeling a lot better and most certainly calmer when the annoying brat left him alone in the kitchen to take care of the morning chores. Now that he was back, his irritation level was again to its max.

"Who in their right minds would eat Inari-zushi in the _**morning**_?"

"You didn't make any?"

"I did you IDIOT! Can't you tell by the smell?"

"I can. So, where is the Inari-zushi?"

Watanuki gripped his tea cup so hard he was afraid to have it break under his tense fingers. He took a deep calming breath and answered.

"In the lunch boxes, for _**after lunch**_."

Satisfied, Doumeki turned his attention to his plate and begun digging hungry at his first delectable breakfast in ages. Maybe the seer should stay over more often. He would see to that.

***

By the time Doumeki was ready to go to school for his archery training, Watanuki was nowhere in the main house, so he went out looking for him and he spotted him talking to the same cherry tree as the previous night. He looked a bit sad and his left hand rested hesitantly on the tree's trunk while his eyes were fixed on its branches. Doumeki quickened his pace. That looked like Watanuki was in trouble.

Watanuki on the other hand was totally oblivious to the archer's worries. He was there to say something important. So, after the polite greetings, he looked at the smiling Yukino and talked to her in a soft almost inaudible voice.

"I am sorry Yukino-san. I can not help you."

He drew a deep breath and looked her in the eye, his gaze resigned but full of unwavering determination.

"I have a promise to keep."

Yukino was very surprised by the statement. She never really asked for help, yet having it denied so abruptly was rather unsettling. Confused she simply asked the first question she could think of:

"With whom?"

"Doumeki."

"Oh, I see."

She stared blankly at him for a while then she simply added.

"I do not blame you Watanuki-kun. Life is for the living and I no longer exist. I got used to this. But, can you come talk to me from time to time, it gets really lonely when you're not around."

Watanuki smiled kindly at her and nodded slightly. Then seeing Doumeki approaching, he added in a murmur "I will."

***

Watanuki laid flat on his futon staring at the grayish ceiling of his apartment thinking that he should take some time and repaint the whole room. He would even get the stupid archer to help. After all it is his fault that he was stuck in his room on sunny Sunday, utterly bored but doing nothing. Doumeki kept insisting on him having a cold and needing to recover _**properly**_. He even went out of his way to make him promise not to leave his bed at all. The big oaf was doing that a lot lately. Making promises that is.

Watanuki let out a sigh. Apart from the sore throat and the fact that he was feeling a bit cold, he was fine. No pain, no coughing, no nothing. He was completely fine, yet _**doctor**_ Doumeki decided that he was not. The seer sighed again in annoyance and his sigh stretched into a yawn. He needed rest, so he closed his eyes and let himself drift into a sweet slumber.

When he woke up, it was morning _**again**_. Reluctantly he got out of bed to get dressed for school. He had slept for almost a whole day yet he was still feeling tired. How would it have felt like if he did pull an all-nighter like he initially had intended to?

By the time he arrived at school, two things made themselves clear. First, he was feeling cold unlike everybody else. And second, he should not try to speak, for the sourness in his throat had become worse overnight, making him unable to utter so much as a whisper without tearing up because of the pain. However, his day went on without a problem, mainly because he did not see Doumeki at all. The archer was busy with practice so all he had to do was to send him his lunch with someone else and save himself the hassle of answering his questions or feeling his accusing stare.

After school, his day in the wish-granting shop went by rather normally too, except he was unable to reply to Yuuko-san's teasing which made him twice more irritated than he usually would have been. But that didn't prevent him from doing his shores properly. He even got his hands on some medicine for his throat when he went shopping.

When it was time to leave, Doumeki still hadn't showed up. Watanuki stared at the spot where the boy usually stood waiting for him and urging him with his monotone voice and irritating speech. He stared for a while and felt very confused. He should be relieved that the archer was not there because he wouldn't have to be escorted or interrogated. He should be relieved yet, he felt... lonely. It has been so long since he was left alone that he had grown used to the archer's presence. He might even have become appreciative of his protective, warm company.

SLAP!

Watanuki hit himself hard on the face to chase those weird thoughts out of his mind. He could do just fine alone, he most certainly does not miss him and he will _**not**_ think about him. A gentle breeze caressed his face and he shivered. He was cold and no matter what the others say, this breeze was icy. He threw one last glance at the fence then hurried back to his apartment, back to a warm place.

Three days went by, following that same routine. However, when his condition showed no signs of improvement by Wednesday, Watanuki knew for sure that whatever he had was _**not**_ natural. So he finally resorted to asking his employer.

***

"You took your sweet time." commented the witch her burgundy eyes unreadable.

Watanuki flipped another page of his notebook, and resumed writing.

'I thought it was a cold.'

"You _**hoped**_ it was a cold." she corrected.

Watanuki didn't deny. Yuuko-san was right. He knew something was off, yet he waited until he totally lost his voice to seek advice. She had the right to be angry though she seemed more resigned. _'Hitsuzen(5)' _he thought with a sting of bitterness.

The woman straitened up in her couch, stretched her arm to lift her employer's head up and looked intently at him while he waited, strangely calm. After a minute or so she asked him:

"Watanuki Kimihiro, did you give your full name and birth date to a stranger."

Watanuki was going to shake his head in negative when he recoiled. His head was suddenly filled with images of his most recent encounter:

_**"Hello! My name is Watanuki Kimihiro. How do you do?", "You know, my name is written with the kanji(6) for 1st April. Because of that I was always bullied and never had any friends", "Yes, a fool born on April fool. That's what I am.", "No, I love my name. It is all I have left from my parents."...**_

The witch looked at her employee seeing him turning paler with the sinking realization, as Yuuko-san's warnings in their first encounter rang in his ears:

_**"Giving someone your full name gives them the ability to take your soul. Hand them your birth date and they can see your past, change your present and control your future."**_

Watanuki was silent for a long time pondering over the recent revelations. He needed to think hard before asking his next question, after all Yuuko-san's _**services**_ proved to be rather expensive in more than one way, and he knew he shouldn't ask for more than he could afford. In the end he decided to get information by bits, asking one question at a time. So he wrote with a slightly shaking hand:

'Is it just the voice?'

"No."

'Is it the binding spell?'

"Yes."

Watanuki gulped.

'Is it intentional?'

"It is not."

The boy stared at his employer, looking for a slight flicker of hope, for any little reassuring sign. But, she looked impassive, perfectly still and almost radiating with a bored aura. With her professional cold mask on, Yuuko-san looked as stoic and emotionless as certain archer, but Watanuki knew she was not. He suppressed a sigh and wrote down his most important question:

'Can I stop it?'

For long agonizing moments, Yuuko-san did not answer, focusing her attention on the pipe in her hand and staring at the white strings of smokes. Then, without looking at the boy sitting on the floor in front of her and clinching tightly the notebook in his hands, she answered:

"No."

Watanuki gulped again. A nauseous feeling took hold of him and he could barely think at all. To be honest, he was not expecting an optimistic answer, but he didn't foresee a blunt refusal either. He thought she would say something like "It's going to cost you a lot." or "You can't afford the price alone." or "Not entirely." Well, he knew very well that it was a matter of price, the witch couldn't possibly be powerless even faced with such a matter. Her answer only meant that **he** had no way of stopping it. He was going to vanish. He was going to be _**erased**_ like he never existed. He was going to be forgotten.

Curiously, the news hurt him more than it should have. When exactly did he become so attached to his own existence? And why is he thinking of the stupid archer at a moment like this? Why did it hurt so much to know _**he**_ will forget?

Watanuki closed his eyes, dizzy from the jumbled thoughts in his mind, then scribbled without even bothering to open them again or rather, too afraid to look at the woman who was sentencing him to death, to nothingness.

'How long?'

"A month, perhaps two."

_'Too short.'_ thought the spirit magnet while a wave of panic washed over him. He felt hot streams of tears falling from his closed eyes down his cheeks and onto his hand. His fists were clenched tightly while anger and frustration rose in him. It was unfair. For once he was resolute to avoiding dangerous situations and keeping his promises, but he never even had the chance to do so in the first place. He was being cruelly punished for such an insignificant thing as a proper introduction too.

Yuuko-san's voice pulled his mind out of his tortured thoughts and back onto the current situation:

"Watanuki-kun, why don't you focus on what is important? What is your wish?"

The boy was confused to say the least. If he couldn't prevent himself from vanishing what was there left to wish for? He tried to think about what he had done, and what he needed to do but his troubled thoughts kept bringing images of the hazel-eyed archer to his mind as he tried desperately to concentrate on what was really important. It seemed that apart from his supernatural adventures and more natural quarrels with the other teen, Watanuki hadn't _**lived**_ much. It was an odd feeling to be finally able to see things clearly and realize that it took you too much time, that it was too late. Just this once, he wanted to be the one protecting. Just this once he wanted to be the one caring. So he calmly smoothed the crooked papers of his notebook and formulated his wish.

'I want my voice back until Sunday night.'

The witch locked her gaze with her costumer's and spoke very slowly as if deliberately giving each word the time to sink in.

"It will still be painful. And there is a price."

Watanuki waited patiently. He wanted to be there for Doumeki's competition and congratulate him with this own voice at lest once even if the archer wouldn't remember any of it. This was his last wish and the seer had already resolved to paying whatever price he was asked for, after all he didn't have much left to loose. Yuuko-san paused, then she continued her eyes still scrutinizing her customer.

"If you get you voice back, your time will be shortened. You will have to leave right after the appointed date."

Watanuki nodded slightly a small sad smile on his face. That he will never have to explain to the archer why he lost his voice, was almost convenient. Almost.

* * *

(1) Ohayo: Japanese word for _"Good morning!"_

(2) Nande: Japanese word for _"Why"_

(3) Inari-zushi: Japanese sweet meal consisting in a a pouch of fried tofu filled with usually just sushi rice.

(4) Omurice: Contemporary Japanese dish consisting of an omelet made with fried rice.

(5) Hitsuzen: Japanese word for "Inevitable, Fated".

(6) Kanji: Chinese characters used in Japanese writing. Used usually for names.

* * *

_**AN: **Well, that's it for now. I hope you enjoy the story so far and I really hope you'll let me have your comments, PLEASE ! By the way, 2000 hits CAMPAI! And thanks for reading and reviewing!_

_**Current Music: **Oasis - I'm outta time. I just felt like telling ;p _


	6. Chapter 5 Part 2: Painful Decisions

_**AN: **Hello everyone and thank you for your support and sweet reviews *bows head*_

_I want to apologize to all of you for the LATE update. As you might notice, this was supposed to be done by April 1st, but I had a hellish month and ended up posting it a lot later, which is why I provided a little summary of what happened previously._

_Now, on with the story. Enjoy ^_^_

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own xxxHOLiC. _

* * *

_**The story until now:**_

_In the previous part, we left Watanuki as he inquired about his weird symptoms -namely voice loss and dropping temperature- at Yuuko-san's shop. The powerful witch told him that, because he gave Yukino his full name and birth date, he was bound to swap places with her in less than a month._

_These news made him realize how much he really owed the archer and he wanted to express these feelings properly before vanishing. So, Watanuki wished to have his voice back for the rest of the week and Yuuko-san granted his wish for a price: He had but four days to bid his human life farewell!_

**Chapter 5: Empty Without You**

**Part2: Painful Decisions**

Watanuki had decided that he would live bravely through the following days. He tried hard _**not**_ to look at the magical hourglass Yuuko-san had given him earlier that evening. The sand that was flowing through the narrow tube of the small clock represented how much time -or rather how little time- he had left and, whenever he caught sight of it, he could barely repress a whimper at how fast it seemed to be seeping into the bottom bulb.

The boy curled up in his bed, a thick blanket around his frozen shoulders and waited for dawn to break. He was tired, exhausted even, but his thoughts were just too confused, too impelling for him to rest. He didn't want to sleep anyways, he didn't want to be there, trapped in his small apartment doing noting when each moment had become so rare and precious.

Watanuki buried his head between his knees, and closed his eyes trying to organize his chaotic feelings. He was brimming with the desire to go see the archer and talk to him, yet he was too scared to do so. How could he appear at his door in the middle of the night, _**again**_? And, what was he supposed to say? He had so many conflicting thoughts he wanted to express: gratitude, apology, sadness, fear but, wouldn't it be too selfish to suddenly push his feelings on him? Doumeki didn't deserve to bear this agonizing fate with him, he didn't deserve to suffer because of him.

Without noticing, Watanuki started pulling his silky black hair with his own two hands but the pain didn't seem to clear his head. _'Why did I ask for my voice back?' _he wondered,_ 'What was I hoping for? What should I do?'_ Those questions kept turning round and round in his head until he felt dizzy. Then, somehow, the answer blossomed in his mind: the one who, needed goodbyes was him, and him alone. The one who needed help was always him too and, somewhere along the way, he had come to rely on the archer, to believe he'd be there if he needed him. This time however, he was beyond saving so there was no point in telling him. Doumeki would forget him. It was a cruel, inevitable fact for him, but pained as he may feel, Watanuki thought it was the best thing for the archer. All he had to do was act normal and get ready to say goodbye.

Watanuki's gaze drifted to stare at the sandglass for the hundredth time that night and he wondered just how much effort he would need to _**act normal**_. Getting busy with everyday shores, avoiding the people you like, withholding the words you want say, this is the way he was around the archer. Never honest yet always comfortable; how much resolve would he need to act that way _**now**_? Watanuki rolled to his side, turning his back to the silver clock, and squeezed his eyes shot. Now that he made a decision, all he could do was sleep then, -hopefully- he would regain enough composure by morning to sort things out and be himself.

***

As the first silver rays of light touched the sky, Watanuki kicked his sheets back and stood up. He went straight to the kitchen preparing lunch for the archer and ended up with a huge portion that wouldn't fit in less than four lunch-boxes. He frowned. Even the bottomless pit of the idiot couldn't swallow that much food without risking a serious indigestion. So much for acting normal... Watanuki sighed but he lifted the heavy load anyways and went to the Doumeki temple.

It was still dark outside but Doumeki had morning practice these days and was likely to be up at dawn so, Watanuki went straight to the main house. As expected, the archer was already awake, dressed, and ready to leave for school when he heard the doorbell. He opened the door and raised an eyebrow at the unexpected visitor but Watanuki ignored him and focused on preparing himself for the impending pain...

"Ohayo(1),'' he said quietly and, even though his voice was muffled, the pain that shot through his throat was every bit as sharp as if he screamed at the top of his lungs while swallowing a knife. His right eyelid quivered with his effort to suppress a wince and Doumeki took that as Watanuki's usual disapproving glare, though he didn't know what he did to earn himself such angry treatment so early in the morning.

The archer wanted to ask for explanations for the early visit and the angry behavior but settled on a short, normal greeting instead and replied in his usual flat voice, "Ohayo.''

Watanuki stared at him, for a long time; his earlier confusion suddenly back. He felt stupid for being there and frustrated for keeping quiet. On the other hand, how could he _**begin**_ to express what was on his mind? The thoughts were passing too quickly for him to have time to formulate them, especially with the extra care he needed when speaking aloud. The silence stretched into an awkward staring contest; Doumeki with his usual questioning glance and Watanuki with an unusual blank stare. The seer was the one to break their eye-contact as he shoved the huge bag to the archer who caught it without effort. As stoic as ever, Doumeki weighted the packet in his hands then turned his gaze back to his early visitor.

"What's this?'' he asked, no hint of curiosity in his usual monotone voice.

Watanuki turned around carefully hiding his pained expression and answered, "Your lunch, obviously.''

"It's too much for me, '' Doumeki pointed out.

Watanuki felt irritation and embarrassment rising in him and he swirled around, a threatening finger pointed at his expressionless friend.

"Don't you get the wrong idea!'' he said, ''it's just leftovers.''

Doumeki didn't argue. He knew there was no point in pursuing the discussion any further when the spirit-magnet was being stubborn. So he simply dismissed the whole thing with a "Hnn,'' and concentrated on putting on his shoes. Poor Watanuki felt even more embarrassed knowing he was not making any sense, getting angry by himself once more.

"Throw it if you don't want it," he mumbled in defeat.

Doumeki answered immediately without lifting his head "Idiot, I don't waste food."

Watanuki glared at the archer wondering if that was really the best grateful attitude he could ever get from him, then shrugged his shoulders and started walking ahead. Doumeki, oblivious to his friend's offended behavior, carried the huge bag in one hand and cached up easily with long strides, his expression still unreadable though certainly much brighter than it had been since the other boy had started avoiding him. He did not know what made him do that in the first place though he had thought of some theories both natural and supernatural. Whatever it was that had kept Watanuki away from him, Doumeki was relieved it has ended. He was happy to see him back, to have him close.

***

The unexpected visit aside, the rest of the day went on like it usually would. Watanuki even showed up at the archery club, supposedly to see what Doumeki had done with his lunch. He talked and whined like any other day, then left for his part-time job and Doumeki was so relieved to see him back to his usual behavior that he did not notice anything amiss. The seer was talking to him and that was all he needed to know.

Watanuki on the other hand was in pain. And, as he became aware of his own voice and started counting every word he uttered, he noticed that he never said what was really important, always choosing to hide his true feelings behind an endless flow of complaints, especially when the archer was involved.

However, Watanuki wasn't just chickening out like he did before, this time he was also trying to protect the archer, to keep him unaware of the upcoming events. He wanted their parting to be as harmless as possible to the other boy so he had decided that these last few days of normality would be his parting gift to his one and only friend, yet he could feel his resolve faltering under the pressure of each passing minute. Many times a day he was tempted to drop the act, tell everything and have proper goodbyes with the one who would soon forget his existence; and every time, when looking at the stoic face, he felt that it would be much harder to see that face pained because of him. He didn't want _**that**_ memory.

Still, it felt extremely frustrating to be suddenly aware of what he wished to say yet refrain from doing so for the sake of keeping a natural front. Watanuki was sure that if he were to start talking wholeheartedly all of a sudden, the archer would immediately freak out and then, all he had been enduring -the pain of talking, the pain of keeping quiet and the price he paid to have his voice back- would have been for nothing.

The seer kept uttering one word after the other and continued his usual charade of endless ranting. Each time he spoke, it felt like a thousand needles were being thrust into his throat yet, each time he would bit back his cry of pain and just keep talking the way he usually did, hoping his teary eyes would not give him away.

When he finally got back from school and went to the shop, he was already in so much pain that he did not even protest when Yuuko-san sent him home where he could find the intimacy of his small apartment and whimper in piece. He hadn't really thought about the pain Yuuko-san had warned him about the previous night. However, now that he experienced it, he felt that keeping up the _"normal act" _was going to be a lot harder than he expected it but, he didn't want to waste time avoiding the archer and he _**absolutely**_ didn't want to make Doumeki worry about him. So he was going to keep it up no matter what.

***

A hundred hours flew by like a dream, and it was already Sunday morning. Watanuki stared at the mirror, his eyes ringed with red and his wan face attesting of his sleepless night. Actually, he couldn't get a wink of sleep the previous night, he couldn't even relax enough to feel tired. He spent the whole time thinking, remembering and, regretting and, once more, the archer was the center of his fretting mess.

Watanuki thought about the many times the boy had saved him with or without his consent, he thought about their shared adventures, their shared eye, their shared blood and wondered just what he had ever given him in return. He learned from Yuuko-san that everything had a price and somehow he really felt like he was indebted to the archer, like he needed to repay him.

He thought about it for a long time but all he could think of was _**food**_. The boy would certainly enjoy the gift but it wasn't anything special, it wasn't enough. Watanuki wanted to bring true joy to the archer, he wanted him to feel the security, the hope he had brought him and, for once, he wanted to be the one granting his wish. The problem was Doumeki never showed interest in anything except for food, archery and... _**him**_.

Watanuki frowned. Was Doumeki really that cold a person? Or was he just too ignorant of his friend's interests? He felt bad for not knowing what would make Doumeki happy. Then again it was the archer's fault for being so secretive. He was unbelievably stingy with words, never saying what he feels, never talking about his likes or dislikes. The complete opposite of his own grandfather. Just then, Watanuki realized he had finally found his gift. The one wish he could grant him before vanishing. Now, he was staring at his reflexion in the mirror wondering if that was really the best idea.

He had been so concerned with the_"what"_ that he did not consider the _"how"._ And now that he thought about what he actually needed to do, he realized that he would be in putting himself in extremely uncomfortable situations with the archer. Is he really able to be so daring? Can he really get that bold? And how would he explain it to the archer? Watanuki felt like he would die of embarrassment just thinking about it.

He tried to ignore his thumping heart and went to the school ground where the competition was being held, whatever needed to be done needed to be done and there was no point worrying about it. When he reached school, Doumeki was already there, dressed in his black hakama(2). Himawari-chan was standing beside him chattering happily.  
The scene seemed surreal. It felt like he was seeing a dream, as if he wasn't really there, as if he was already gone. A pang of sadness took hold of his heart and Watanuki wanted to flee. He was in too much pain to face them anyways. He turned back and started walking. He felt weird for escaping like that and realized once again just how hard taking hold of his emotions had become now that his departure was imminent. The scene as natural and trivial as it may seem looked like a glimpse of a future without him and he felt like he didn't belong there anymore. As much as he prepared himself for his unavoidable fate, that thought took him off balance and into a whole new surge of distress.

"What are you doing?"

Watanuki did not need to turn around to know who spoke.

"Going to reserve seats," he answered giving whatever excuse his mind could provide.

"You don't need to do that," commented the archer.

"That's true Watanuki-kun," agreed Himawari-chan, "even if it looks crowded, there aren't that many spectators."

Watanuki carefully composed his expression while turning to face them. His gaze purposefully avoided Doumeki's, worried he would see through him, and looked at Himawari-chan.

"I guess you're right," he admitted his smile seemingly as bright and cheerful as it always was when he was talking to her, "But I want to have a seat at the front or I won't be able to see a thing with my bad sight."

"If so, let me do that for you while you talk with Doumeki-kun. You haven't seen each other yet have you?"

And without waiting for his answer, she wished good luck to the boy beside her, flashed a smile at him and hurried to the front seats.

Watanuki kept silent, staring unseeingly at the direction Himawari-chan went off to and, wondering if this was a good time to talk about his _**gift**_. A warm hand on his shoulder interrupted his reverie and, he jerked back, surprised.

"Are you all right?" asked the archer as he walked to get closer, ignoring the seer's obvious discomfort.

"Y- yeah," Watanuki stuttered. Then he added: "You? Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

The archer looked confident and Watanuki couldn't repress a snort at the smug attitude. Then, without transition, he decided to make his request right there and then and be through with it.

"Let me stay at your house tonight," Watanuki demanded his eyes fixed on Doumeki's.

The boy seemed genuinely surprised, chocked even. He asked incredulously:

"_**My**_ house?"

"Yes _**your**_ house," Watanuki confirmed.

"But, there's no one there."

It wasn't a dismissal, merely a warning, an expression of surprise. Watanuki knew that, yet he felt his face heat up in embarrassment. Doumeki was making this way too hard for him.

"It's better that way." he confessed, "Tonight, I need some time alone with you. Can't I?"

Doumeki felt blood rushing in his veins, his mind was in a frenzy. This can not be Watanuki. He looked at the deep blue eyes staring at him, and for once he couldn't read what was in there. This can not be Watanuki but, if it really was him, if he really did say all that, if he really meant all that, what was he supposed to do? And what was this foreboding feeling he had? He was convinced that there was more to the situation than met the eye, much more. All this worried him yet, he couldn't help feeling happy.

"Can't I?" Watanuki asked again interrupting his thoughts.

Doumeki realized he had been staring at him for a long time, unseeing. The boy's cheeks had become crimson with a fierce blush and he was clearly uneasy and extremely embarrassed. The archer thought that he might explode any moment and start shouting to hide his blush like he always did, but the outburst didn't come, and Doumeki found himself unconsciously answering.

"Please do."

Watanuki smiled, his face showing an intriguing mixture of relief, fondness and, sorrow. Then he wished him good luck too and headed to where Himawari-chan was waiting for him. Doumeki wanted so much to take him by the shoulders and shake him as much as he could asking for explanations. _"What's wrong?" _these words he wanted to say died in his mind was screaming in worry but his body didn't follow. He simply watched as Watanuki went through the crowd of spectators, then he turned around and headed for the field seemingly as stoic as ever whereas his hands were sticky with cold sweat.

It was extremely hard to concentrate that day. The image of Watanuki's smiling face haunted him, provoking a quirk of his stomach every time it popped up in his mind, and he almost missed his target at the beginning. He heard the surprised hums in the audience and even some of the comments _"What's wrong with him today?" "Is he sick?" "So, even Doumeki-san can get nervous,"_ but he didn't care about that, what caught his attention was a familiar figure standing up and shouting:

"Idiot! What do you think you're doing?"

Doumeki almost smiled. _**That**_ was his Watanuki all right. Seeing the seer acting that way soothed his worries and he found it a lot easier to concentrate later on. He just had to wait for that night's visit to ask for explanations, or maybe he wouldn't have to ask for anything this time around.

***

By the time the show was over -of course with Doumeki winning with a comfortable advance- Watanuki had become extremely restless. Things were already set in motion and he would be at Doumeki's for his last human night. However, he still needed to take care of something before and more than anything else he didn't feel ready at all.

Doumeki watched his friend as they walked side by side to Yuuko-san's shop. The boy was too quiet and seemed extremely tired, the rings under his eyes a shade darker than before. This was not the only thing that felt wrong though. Their earlier conversation aside, Doumeki had noticed with growing evidence the odd behavior of the seer throughout the week. Watanuki had been showing up more than ever but he carefully kept a large distance between them and, whenever they touched, like that morning, he would jerk back as if he was struck with lightning. At first, he thought it was some kind of reaction to the night they had spent at his house. However, the more he observed Watanuki the more he got the feeling the boy was _**afraid **_of something. Again, he wanted to stop him and ask him for proper explanations, but they had already reached the shop. He would have to wait until later, though waiting didn't bother him; he was a very patient person after all. What bothered him however was the fact that he did not know what to expect. Was it good? Was it bad? Whichever it was, he was determined to make the best of it. As long as the seer was close, he could deal with the rest, somehow.

* * *

(1) Ohayo: Japanese word for _"Good morning!"_

(2) Hakama: traditional Japanese clothing tied at the waist and falling approximately to the ankles. The one referred to here is a hakama with divided legs that looks like pants.

* * *

_**AN: **Man, that was hard to write! I'm sorry it took me so long. I hope you still enjoyed it, though. So, please, **please** hit the review button and let me know your impressions ;D_

_**AN2: **Next installment is almost finished so it should be up shortly. Sorry again for the late update :(_

_**Preview:**_

_After Watanuki's painful days, is it Doumeki's turn to suffer painlessly? But, before that, what is Watanuki's last gift? Well, if you want to know watch out for the third and last part of this chapter **Painless Suffering** ;)_


	7. Chapter 5 Part 3: Painless Suffering I

_**AN: **YESSSSSSSS! I can finally upload this chapter. Actually I'll be uploading it in 5 separate bits because there are parts that I'm still not satisfied with. I just couldn't wait any longer._

_I'll give you explanations (excuses) for this long break later, for now enjoy ^_^_

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own xxxHOLiC but I LOVE it!_

* * *

**Chapter 5: Empty Without You**

**Part3: Painless Suffering I**

When he entered the shop that had been his working place for almost two years, Watanuki felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him. This place was the closest to a home he'd had in a decade. Though he did like his apartment, he just... couldn't feel any warmth there, and he couldn't recall any fond memories of that place either. The shop, however, was a place where he had made lots of memories. Granted, most of them were sad or irritating _but_, no matter how irked he was by the capricious behavior of the mistress of the house and her black furry pet, he would still miss the place and its occupants. All of them.

Walking along the familiar corridor, the boy couldn't help but notice the thin layer of dust that covered the once immaculate furniture. He wondered how Yuuko-san would live without her slave. Actually, he couldn't imagine how she managed to keep up appearances before he showed up at her shop.

He frowned as he remembered their first encounter and how she managed to snatch away his father's memento for something he'd never sought out. His frown deepened as he remembered what brought him there: a new wish. He knew knew too well what it meant because he had seen Yuuko-san and her balance-keeping prices leading to awful endings far too many times to nurse any illusions. Hence, he wouldn't wish for salvation, he wouldn't wish for something he couldn't afford and, if it were not for the archer, he wouldn't wish for anything at all.

But that wasn't the only reason behind his uneasiness. Truthfully, he never really had the chance to say goodbye since the people he cared for, his parents for instance, tended to disappear abruptly and in mysterious ways, not to mention most of his friends weren't even human to begin with. So now that he had to face his stark future, he didn't know what to say or how to leave.

Watanuki paused in front of the shogi door. His fingers lingered on the painted paper concentrating on the feel of it as he tried to compose himself and organize his thoughts. He needed to be rational; something he rarely did since he usually either kept silent or blurted out whatever was on his mind. But, this was his last meeting with the wish-granter and the rest of them and he wanted it to be... right.

Drawing a deep breath, he slid the door open revealing a most endearing picture. Yuuko-san was, as always, lounging in her couch, a bottle of sake half-emptied on the table in front of her and a long wooden pipe forgotten between her fingers as she watched with an amused look what her _'girls'_ were doing with the overjoyed black bun.

When they noticed him, the tree hairy little things circled him and started to welcome him with their happy sing song: "Watanuki's back! Watanuki's here!"

They turned around him until they were nothing more than a blue, black, and, rose blur in his vision and he couldn't help but smile. It looked like they missed him too. Watanuki indulged himself in the cozy feeling of being home until Yuuko-san's voice rose over the joyous claims.

"Mokona, Maru, Moro. Why don't you go and play in the garden? It's time to water the greenery." The witch's instruction were voiced in a soft and gentle tone but Watanuki felt himself dreading the moment he'd have to look into her dark burgundy eyes. He watched them retreat excitedly before turning his gaze back to the wish-granter.

Although she hadn't moved an inch, the woman looked completely different. She looked more imposing, distant, and detached. His stomach made a painful twist as he let himself adapt to the cold, powerful feeling she radiated, and he resisted the urge to bit his lower lip.

Watanuki he stood still and opened his mouth to greet her, but she interrupted him with fluid motion of her wrist.

"Watanuki, get the sketch book. You'll need your voice later."

The boy obeyed, grateful for her to suggest using a sketch book because he didn't dare to do so himself. This was their last _**talk**_ so he wanted to _**speak**_ with her using his own voice. But his throat hurt so much.

Watanuki took the sketch book and one of the pencils the girls left on the floor then went to take a seat in front of the wish-granter. The growing silence felt strange and suffocating, as if he wasn't really there. As if he had already left. He thought about the way Yuuko-san's impossible commands kept him busy all the time, and how it made him feel needed and, without much thought, his hand wrote down what was on his mind.

_'Thank you.'_

The witch smiled and instantly the tension dropped. Watanuki felt as if he was simply talking to a friend and he smiled along.

"So," the witch started again, "I understand you came for a wish?"

_'Yes.'_

"And, what do you wish for?"

Watanuki hesitated, unsure of how to formulate what he wanted. It was pretty simple, really, yet he couldn't find the right words. He felt awkward and strangely guilty, like a parent abandoning their child. He was worried about what was coming, worried that he could not help and so, he needed to make a wish.

_'Doumeki, I want you to watch over him.'_

_'If he ever needs help, I want you to support him.'_

"Instead of you.'' the witch concluded, speaking the words Watanuki kept to himself.

_'Yes,' _he admitted, _'I want you to help him instead of me.'_

Silence was the only answer he got for some time and he was beginning to worry when the wish-granter finally spoke again.

"I'm afraid he might need help quite a lot, and rather shortly,"

Watanuki looked at her, his smile expressing unspoken apology.

_'I thought so,'_ he admitted.

"Then, should I help him remember, or should I help him forget?"

Watanuki froze. He didn't expect that question. Wasn't the archer supposed to forget everything? Why _**help**_ him remember? Was it even possible? Then again, remembering would be too cruel. It's not like he could know why he disappeared neither can he afford to help him. Telling him felt unfair, yet, maybe …

_'What do you me-'_

The words came in an uncertain flow with a trembling writing attesting to his own uneasiness. But before he could finish his question, the wish granter interrupted him.

"You don't have to answer that question. You wouldn't be able to afford either wishes anyway, not alone."

Watanuki stared at her, puzzled. He couldn't understand why she brought up a wish he wouldn't afford, one he didn't even dare to think about. It felt so wrong for her to tease him so cruelly. It hurt.

The seer swallowed back his disappointed hope. He felt even more confused by her answer but her serious expression prevented him from asking any of the questions that stormed in his mind sweeping away his resolution, and probably most of his courage. Forget or remember, this wasn't his choice to make. Was this what she meant? If that is the case then he should let the archer decide for himself and concentrate on what he could do, right?

Watanuki closed his eyes summoning his courage once again, then he wrote his answer.

_'I won't ask for more than what I can afford. Please just help him however way you see fit.'_

The witch smiled, her employee had indeed become wiser.

"And, what is your price Watanuki-kun?"

_'My past services at the wish granting shop.'_

At that Yuuko-san burst in laughter:

"I see. You're getting better at bargaining Watanuki-kun," she teased, "a pity you'll have to leave."

Watanuki smiled back and answered, using her favorite quote:_'It is all hitsuzen.'_

The woman's laughing expression turned thoughtful and he felt a new surge of guilty feelings wash over him. Since their first meeting, Yuuko-san had given him hope, help and support. She saved his life more times than he could count and she pushed him toward the one who became his devoted bodyguard and his dearest friend. Since he met her, he came to believe in happiness once more. Without noticing, their ties had become stronger, and it seemed like he was betraying her now that he had to leave her alone, crashing both their hopes for a brighter end.

The silence reigned, suffocating, and Watanuki felt the need to interrupt it. Without the lively singing of the twins and the drunken chitchatting of the black bun, the shop seemed unbearably sinister. The boy gripped his pen tightly in his hand to prevent it from shaking. He needed to divert their conversation. He needed to ask something, anything. Without much thought he wrote:

_'Doumeki is supposed to forget about me but, what about this shop?'_

But, he immediately regretted his question. This was going to hurt again.

"Doumeki _**will**_ forget everything related to you. However, like all customers, he will find the shop when he needs it."

Watanuki closed his eyes not knowing if he should feel relieved or frustrated then he asked again:

_'Mokona and the girls?'_

"They will all forget about you.'' she answered, unblinkingly.

Watanuki cringed. He thought he was prepared to hear it. He thought he was expecting it, even. But now that the truth was spoken aloud there was no room for hope anymore. That fate had become unavoidable, painfully _**real**_. He raised his head and looked at her and asked for the last time:

_'You?'_

The wish-granter kept silent for a long time, her eyebrows slowly pulling together in an atypical pained expression as she watched her soon-to-be ex-apprentice.

"_**I**_ can not forget you,'' she finally answered.

Watanuki realized once more just how much this outcome would hurt her too. He was leaving her alone, in pain, and with the burden of helping Doumeki live on without him. He wanted to express his gratitude, his apology to Yuuko-san but she suddenly reverted back to her usual self and interrupter him before he could write a word.

"You should get going Watanuki-kun," she said adopting usual teasing tone, "Tonight is going to be a long night, right?" she added and winked at him meaningfully.

Watanuki flailed his arms vehemently in protest, face flushed but she ignored him and continued to taunt him like she always did.

"I wish I could have some pictures taken of you two!"

Watanuki was horrified by the idea and Yuuko-san laughed wholeheartedly at his expression. He looked half shocked half afraid and above all embarrassed. She was going to miss the faces he made at her all-day long. She was going to miss the ranting too. The witch teased him a bit more, then she sent him off with a smile as he left fuming, breathless and with a bright red face, as if this wasn't a farewell, as if they would see each other the following day and Watanuki was grateful for that last moment of normality.

As he stomped toward the door, Yuuko-san gave him one last advice.

"Watanuki-kun, don't let go of his hand."

The boy looked at her with a reassuring smile. He remembered her instructions very clearly, and he wouldn't mess up his gift no matter what.

With one last nod he left the shop without an adieu.

***

Watanuki stood in front of the torii(2) gates of the temple that was going to be his prison for the longest time. He did not need to see his reflection to know that he looked like the _**dead**_. His skin had become so pale it seemed translucent and his temperature had dropped tremendously through the week. He felt so cold that he couldn't even remember what it was like to be warm.

He didn't move, he didn't even shiver as the chill breeze wafted, ruffling his hair. He just kept staring, pondering over what was left to be done before finally settling on talking to Yukino. The girl was supposed to be unaware of the impending changes, and he was not confident on putting on a brave front when facing her but, he needed to settle things with her first.

The woman oblivious to his worries greeted him with a surprised yet genuinely pleased expression. It felt as if she would have clapped her hands in delight if they were not bound in her prison of liefs and thorns. Seeing her was more painful than he expected.

Watanuki, returned her smile weakly and averted his eyes from her joyous expression, looking intently at his own shoes. He had a very clear idea of what was going to happen to him, but he didn't know how things would go on for her. She was going to get back to the human realm that's for sure but, what kind of background will she have? Will people suddenly remember her? And, if not, wouldn't it be weird to have a 16-year old girl with no past or rather a past from several centuries ago? He never thought about it. Until then, his mind was fully occupied by his own issue and... Doumeki.

"Watanuki-kun?"

The boy looked up, almost startled by her voice realizing that he'd been silent too long. He decided to present their current situation bluntly and spoke with the most poised expression he could muster.

"Did you know? Tonight, you and I will be swapping places."

Yukino gaped at him. She obviously wasn't expecting such news. She flapped her lips several times helplessly searching for the right words to say, the best questions to ask but nothing came. Watanuki smiled wearily at her. He understood her confusion but he was in no condition to answer her queries, and wouldn't be able to anyways. Instead he settled on giving her one last advice before fleeing; he didn't want to be comforted or pitied he just wanted to … go.

"I'm not sure that you'll remember what I told you but, if you do, I recommend you go see Ichihara Yuuko-san. She's powerful, she can help you."

Yukino bit her lower lip, her face unreadable, her feelings confused. What was she supposed to do? Apologize to him? Thank him? Comfort him? They all seemed utterly hypocrite and out of place in account to the fate her savior would be facing, soon. She had so many things she wanted to say but among them one question prevailed: _**Why?**_ Why was he taking her place? Why was he accepting a cursed fate without fighting? Why was he still smiling? She wanted to ask him but she was afraid to hear the answer, and thus she just watched him as he nodded his head, and walked toward the main house.

* * *

_**AN: **__First of all, for those to whom I did not reply I AM REALLY SORRY. I'll reply properly to each one of you in the next installment._

_**AN2: **__*scratch head* the reason behind my laaaaaaaaaaaaaate update is MISFORTUNE. No seriously, it was rather impressive: first I broke my arm, then I got a virus on my laptop and all my files turned into a §%µ£0I9?#° unreadable rubbish then I had to transfer to Berlin for 3 months, and I didn't even speak German (I did enjoy the city and learn a bit of a German though ;). So basically, I was a bit lazy BUT it wasn't totally my fault I SWEAR. I won't do it again._

_**AN3: **__As I said next installments for this chapter are almost finished, but something felt off when I read it so I need to check on that. They should be for Wednesday though. So see you SOON!_


	8. Side Note: Lullaby's Lyrics

_**AN:** Here's the lyrics for the lullaby sang by Watanuki in ch3. I found it in a forgotten file. I'm not good with poetry but I hope you like it ;)_

_It does describe Watanuki's feelings thought. Don't you think? _

* * *

**Lonely Dream**

...**  
**

The feeling of loneliness I fight, under the spreading moonlight,

And in this silvery tenderness, I succumb to sleepiness.

...

Even if my body wilts away, in my dreams I will keep running,

Until I find my own way, until my world comes to an ending.

...

Along the lonely path, I'll still hunt,

For a person's warmth, for a friendly hand.

* * *

_**AN2:** This was inspired by Illusion of a Shadowed Moon (ending song of 12 Kingdoms by Mika Arisaka)_


	9. Chapter 5 Part 3: Painless Suffering II

_**Review Replies:**_

_**Dee**: You were absolutely right! I shouldn't have waited so long to update *sweat*. Anyways I hope these next few installments will satisfy you._

_**tuquoise ebonyfox**: I know it's all my fault but please don't be sad. Doumeki HAS to find a way out for his Watanuki right? Anyways, I'm happy that you find my characters close to the CLAMP universe, because I actually LOVE the original characters a lot! Please enjoy the story and don't forget to leave your comments ;D_

_**belle**: I heard your plea for a "non angsty development" but my pen has a mind of its own. At least I won't let it end in an angst way, I promise!_

_  
**Asagohan-no-bento**: I'm sorry the story is so sad, I couldn't help it. After all, hardships is what makes bonds stronger right? Anyways, forgetting or remembering: that'll be Doumeki's choice, let's wait and see._

_  
**BlackCrystalRose**: I'm happy you like the story so far, and even happier to gain a devoted fan, please continue with your wonderful reviews!_

_-------------------  
**AN: **ok, here's part two!_

* * *

**Chapter 5: Empty Without You**

**Part3: Painless Suffering II**

When he opened the door for him, Doumeki was already dressed in casual clothes, his hair still slightly damp. From his nice smell and groggy voice, Watanuki could easily guess that the archer had been enjoying a nap, probably right after taking a bath and most certainly without drying his hair.

Ill-mannered as he may be, the archer wasn't rude enough to fall asleep when expecting a visit. Which left only one other explanation: he was so tired, he couldn't resist dozing off. The thought filled Watanuki with guilt since he had no intention of letting him rest just yet. The remaining time was too little and too precious for them to waste.

Doumeki however didn't seem affected by the passing time. He stood still at the door staring at the seer and at his empty hands with his usual bored expression. Watanuki figured the archer was looking for his "gift" since this was the purpose of his visit and felt strangely irritated at how clueless his host was. True, it wasn't Doumeki's fault that he was left in the dark but, it was still unnerving to see him take his time when time was precisely what they lacked most.

"So, are you or are you not letting me in?"

Doumeki didn't even blink at the seer's impatience and simply made way for him to enter. With a grunt Watanuki took off his shoes then he looked up at the boy beside him.

"Follow me."

The archer followed his visitor as he quickly made his way to the kitchen. He had a hard time suppressing his smirk at how comfortable the seer seemed. He was even ordering him around as if he owned the place. Knowing his character, he must be feeling really at ease in this house and that thought reinforced his resolution.

Despite being busy with the practice for the competition, Doumeki took the time to find a way to protect the spirit-magnet from whatever it is that was threatening him, and he had come up with a rather satisfying solution. Of course the seer would protest vehemently, but Doumeki was determined to have it his way.

"Here," Watanuki pushed a big cup filled with a freshly brewed coffee in front of the sleepy archer who quirked an eyebrow at the unusual choice of drink, but took it nonetheless.

The coffee tasted hot, strong and bitter. It reminded him of the seer's character. Quick temper, strong resolution and bitter memories, that's how the spirit-magnet was. Doumeki thought that they were very different since he was rather poised and had been blessed with a happy childhood in company of his grandfather.

Ever since his grandfather passed away, he never felt the need to have anyone around and people tended to avoid him naturally. The seer, however, was trying to live his life while purposefully keeping others away. That's what made him curious at first. Then, step by step, he started to see what sadness his friendly smile was concealing. Maybe that's what made him feel so protective of the seer. The boy had been through a lot yet he never showed any sadness or resented anyone for his unlucky fate, he assumed everything alone. _'A pure soul or a complete idiot'_ thought the archer as he took another large sip of coffee.

As the caffeine slowly made its way in his system awakening him completely from his earlier slumber, Doumeki started pondering over the seer's unusual behavior throughout the week. Now that the competition was finished, he was able to concentrate fully on the recent events and, the more he thought about it, the less Watanuki's behavior made sense. The boy had been suddenly appearing and disappearing from his side with no clear reason, and regardless of how normal it seemed, his speech felt rather forced and unnatural.

Doumeki couldn't even begin to comprehend what was on the seer's mind, avoiding him then suddenly appearing at his house then avoiding him again before sticking around him out of his own volition. It was an increasingly odd behavior and Doumeki didn't quite fathom the reasons behind it. More than that, he was worried that it had less to do with the seer's likes and dislikes and much more with some supernatural entity as suggested by Yuuko-san.

Doumeki watched the boy intently. He was restless, frantically chopping veggies and cleaning plates all the while talking about anything and everything that crossed his mind. Watanuki was a lively kind of person, but this time it didn't seem right to see him hustling and bustling as if he feared to stop functioning the minute he stopped moving.

Oblivious to the archer's worries, Watanuki had a few problems of his own. The kitchen was silent, except for the sound of the water running on the sink and his own voice talking in a strange continuous flow. He no longer knew what he was saying and was hardly aware of the pain his words caused him since his attention was focused on the passing time. The more he tried to forget it the more he noticed the little signs of the falling night: the dampening light, the hushing sounds outside, and his own growing fatigue.

The only thing that would occasionally distract his from his darkest fears was his host's scrutinizing look. He knew the archer was waiting for his "gift" but there was more to his inquiring looks. Watanuki believed that his host had already sensed something amiss. Actually, he was surprised he could deceive him for so long. Despite that, he didn't want to expose himself any further so he concentrated on washing the dishes purposefully avoiding his gaze. He was just too tired and anxious to face Doumeki, though he knew he shouldn't be wasting their time together running away.

Actually, he'd thought long and hard before deciding to sleep over at the archer's place. He knew very well how perceptive the other boy was and he apprehended his reaction and his tenacity but, he believed the archer's presence would bring him solace and distract him from the daunting prospect of his vanishment.

By the time he finished making dinner, Watanuki's thoughts were a complete mess once again and his throat was awfully sore from his earlier chattering. Watanuki could only welcome the reprieve of a quiet meal. Of course the archer wouldn't find fault to that since he was _**always**_ silent himself. Or so he thought.

"Oi!"

The unnerving syllable interrupted the seer's train of thoughts and he couldn't help but snap at the archer.

"My name is not OI!"

"Then you should answer when I call you by your name," the archer retorted with a snort.

"Wha- what do you want?" the seer stuttered, embarrassed.

The archer quired an eyebrow and answered: "I said, stay here."

"Huh?What are you talking about? I already told you I'll sleep over tonig-"

Just then an absurd thought blossomed in the seer's mind. In fact, it was so absurd that Watanuki felt ashamed for even thinking about it yet it clang to his mind as something the socially-alienated stalker might think about. Of course he would think it logical to keep him safe at the temple, he wouldn't even consider how odd it would be for the seer to li- live at his house. But he wouldn't _**dare**_ suggest anything of the sort would he?

Watanuki glanced at the boy in front of him hoping for a reassuring sign. The archer stopped eating and stared back with an unwavering gaze. Suddenly, Watanuki's throat felt _**very**_ dry. He helped himself with some water trying to find the right words to convince him against it. The archer picked up on his thoughts and counterattacked.

"My parents already agreed."

The seer choked on his water and sputtered it on the table as the archer surprised him yet again with and absurd statement. Unaffected, Doumeki handed him a towel to clean up the mess he'd made. Watanuki bit his lip in silent mortification. He snatched the towel and started mopping the wet table, averting his gaze from the archer's.

He felt irritated by the archer's senseless request. He already knew how _**annoyingly**_ protective he tended to be but that was ludicrous, though stupid Doumeki obviously found it _**very**_ logical. '_And what exactly did he say to get his parents to agree to such an absurd thing?' _Watanuki wondered with a growing uneasiness.

The table cleaned, Watanuki glared at the boy sitting in front of him only to find another infuriating scene. That idiot was holding out his empty rice bowl, he was asking him for seconds as if it were the most natural thing to do. Watanuki was speechless. Was he really unable to read the mood? If not, was he trying to provoke him further?

Judging by his character Doumeki probably nurtured this thought for some time already. He wouldn't take no for an answer and he considered that his opinion mattered not when he offered him _**safety**_. Watanuki felt his anger boiling up in his veins at the archer's arrogance. _'It's his life dammit of course he had the right to refuse! And why wasn't the archer explaining himself properly? That was the least he could do!' _Then again the archer's thoughts were easy enough to read without him voicing them: He wanted him safe, so he wanted him close. It was simple almost logical if it wasn't completely absurd. _**Very Doumeki-like**_.

Watanuki sighed in defeat. There was no point in discussing the matter, more so because he wouldn't be around anymore. He took the rice bowl, filled it to the brim and put it back in front of the hungry teen. He watched his as he started eating once again. Bit by bit, Watanuki's anger subsided and he started to feel apologetic towards the archer: it seemed that he'd never get a chance to fulfill any of his wishes except for food.

"Alright," he conceded with a sigh, "I'll think about it."

Doumeki looked at the seer, his surprise at the unexpected reply barely repressed. He didn't expect him to accept his offer or even think about it and he was prepared for a long battle, so this answer took him off guard.

Watanuki watched the stoic face of archer as he stared at him. His usually infuriating lack of expression felt oddly comforting, it made him feel at peace for the first time in weeks and he couldn't help but smile.

Doumeki on the other hand wasn't sure how to react. He should be happy that the seer was considering his offer seriously, but he was anxious instead. It was unlike him to surrender so easily, stubborn as he was. Of course he could reject the offer later, but it still wasn't like him to avoid a fight with a smile. It was almost alarming.

The archer watched with a growing discomfort as the seer stood up again and started gathering utensils and ingredients.

"What are you doing?" he inquired with his usual monotone.

"Baking a cake" Watanuki answered.

"A cake? What for?"

"I just want one," Watanuki simply replied, then he added "Any suggestions?"

Doumeki frowned at the invitation but he replied nonetheless:

"Chocolate Mousse Cake."

The reply was immediate as expected of the bottomless pit, but Watanuki wasn't irritated, he was grateful that the archer didn't pick anything too difficult or out of season for once. A rare occurrence indeed.

As the seer busied himself at the counter, Doumeki pondered over his suspicious behavior and started wondering about his actual purpose in staying over at his place. Of course he was happy to have him stay since he could enjoy his company and his cooking skills, keeping an eye on him was a bonus too, but it felt strange. '_And where was the rumored gift?'_ He was pretty much sure the seer didn't bring anything with him. There were many unanswered questions and the archer didn't like it.

Soon enough, the inciting smell of chocolate tickled his nostrils and soothed his worries. He stood up and went to supervise the finishing touches, stealing a spoonful of chocolate icing and earning himself an angry shouting-fit from the seer.

When they finally sat back at the table, Watanuki was breathless from fighting the archer off the unfinished cake and Doumeki was smirking smugly at the flushed seer.

As they started eating their respective pieces of the dessert, Doumeki decided it was time for more explanations.

"So, what brings you here?" he asked, his mouth still full.

Watanuki glared at him, disapproving his lack of table etiquette but answered.

"To give you a gift. Why else?"

"You could've done that at school." Doumeki pointed out.

"No, I couldn't." Watanuki replied.

Doumeki looked at him as if to uncover the meaning behind his words then asked again.

"So, where is it?"

"Not here."

Doumeki quirked an eyebrow. The seer came to give him a present but the gift was not in the house. That didn't make sense at all.

Watanuki ignored him in favor of his dessert.

"You've started to talk in riddles like Yuuko-san." Doumeki observed.

"I guess I did" Watanuki admitted still ignoring him.

"I don't like it," the archer stated.

Watanuki finally lifted his head and looked at the archer an unreadable smile on his face.

"I know. I used to hate that too."

Doumeki didn't know what to respond to that so he brought his attention back to his cake. He would deal with the seer later.

When he finished his dessert, Watanuki sneaked a peek at the clock hung up beside the counter. It was past 10pm already. He instinctively gripped the hourglass in his right pocket as if to choke it and stop its time. His resolve faltering under the hasty approach of his doom, he needed to hide his expression from the archer's scrutinizing gaze until he regained some composure. He quickly went to the sink and started washing up, as he tried to reorganize his thoughts and remember what he wanted to do, what he wanted to say.

"What are you doing? The water is piping hot!"

Watanuki blinked a couple of times not really processing what was happening, while Doumeki, who was sitting in the farthest corner of the kitchen just a second ago, snatched his hands from under the running water. The plate he was washing clattered loudly on the floor but Watanuki barely noticed it in his frozen confusion.

He stood motionless as the other boy run his fingers softly over his hands to see if they were burnt. Despite being red, Doumeki found the skin against his unexpectedly cold and he instinctively tightened his grip on the slender finger as if to convey them as much warmth as he could.

"You're freezing," the archer pointed out, forgetting for a time his earlier worries.

"I know," Watanuki answered in a sigh, not bothering to hide that he enjoyed the warm contact around his numbed digits.

Doumeki growled. '_What was that supposed to mean?'_ He freed one of his hands, closed the faucet, grabbed a towel and started drying the frozen hands, rubbing them vigorously until the other boy whimpered in protest. Doumeki stopped to glare at him. He was riled to no end by the seer's secrets, his aloof behavior and most of all his disregard of his own safety.

"What happened?" he demanded.

Watanuki hesitated.

"I- I didn't realize the water was so hot."

"Are you saying your hand was so cold you couldn't _**feel **_it burning?"

"No. I- wasn't paying attention-"

"Oh, don't give me that!" Doumeki interrupted furious, "Tell me what's going on. _**Now**_!"

Watanuki flinched. He'd never seen Doumeki so angry before. He raised his head, his gaze moving from his abused digits to study the angry face and, for a split second, a golden stare bore into deep sapphire and caught a fleeting glimpse of the emotions the smaller boy had been concealing. Confusion, fear and sadness crystallized behind the glasses, then, just as he started to identify them for what they were, Watanuki closed his eyes, his face relaxing into an unreadable expression. When he reopened them, the blue gaze he fixed on him was guarded and distant once more.

It was so frustrating that the archer couldn't help tightening his grip on the cold hand in his as if to hold on to the only closeness he'd been allowed in weeks.

_'Why can't you trust me?'_

Watanuki could hear the silent plea as if Doumeki had _**screamed**_ it in his ears, he could see it distinctly seeping through the seemingly impassive stare, and he could feel it radiating from the painfully tight grip on his own hands. He knew the archer needed answers yet he couldn't provide any. It was too late, much too late.

His eyes darted instinctively to the wall clock as he remembered the time and he felt his chest tightening, his breath painfully trapped in his lungs. It was as if they were crushed under the overwhelming weight of his renewed realization. He had one hour left, maybe less.

When he could finally summon enough strength to will air inside his tightening rib cage in ragged painful breaths, he tried to talk. He needed to at least give the archer support and wisdom. That was his present, and he had little time to show him the way.

While keeping his eyes away from his disturbing stare, Watanuki instructed the archer to follow him.

"I need to show you something. Come."

Those were his exact words. They were not the answer the archer was expecting but Watanuki did not wait for him to object. He dragged him out of the kitchen and down the hallway. Doumeki followed patiently until the other boy stopped in front of the guest room. Watanuki opened the door with his left hand, his right still holding Doumeki's.

"Here," Watanuki invited when the other boy didn't move.

"You wanted to show me to the _**bedroom**_?" Doumeki asked skeptical.

"Idiot!" muttered Watanuki his face turning from pale to red in a matter of seconds while Doumeki stood perfectly still and impassive. '_He really has no sense of shame,'_ thought the seer in frustration. Then he tried to explain things properly.

"We need to sleep together... no I mean at the same time... it's in the dream."

Doumeki ignored Watanuki's flushed face and scattered explanation and asked "What's in the dream?"

"AAARGH! Stop talking already and get the futon out!"

Doumeki complied since it seemed as though the seer was finally going to give some answers although he did wonder about the process...

After setting the futon on the tatami floor, the archer stood up to retrieve another one from the closet but Watanuki interrupted him.

"I don't need it."

"Why?" Doumeki asked intrigued yet again by the seer's unusual requests.

"Just do as I say." Watanuki answered.

The seer sounded confident and determined all traces of his earlier embarrassment had subsided. He closed the door, turned off the light and sat on the floor, right next to the futon.

As the archer stood still in front of the closet, Watanuki inquired.

"Why don't you lay down?"

"Are we going to sleep?" The archer asked perplexed.

"Yes, I told you it's in the dream. Now, lay down and sleep."

Doumeki wanted to inquire further, ask for explanations or directives but Watanuki's gentle voice had a hypnotic quality to it. It was as if the seer was suddenly radiating a strange power and the archer felt strangely compelled to obey.

He laid down on the futon but stubbornly refused to close his eyes trying to summon enough will to ask more questions. Watanuki was well aware of the archer's unwillingness but he had no time to spare for quiz games, they needed to reach the dream realm as soon as possible. He bent over him to close the reluctant eyes with his fingers.

Doumeki's face warmed under the unexpected cold touch and he couldn't resist the soft pressure of the other's fingers as they traced his face and closed his eyelids. The touch was somewhat hesitant yet so unexpectedly _**caring**_ that he was tempted to protest when the digits left his face leaving a ticklish empty feeling.

He wanted to protest but somehow he felt too tired to do so and, in a matter of seconds, he fell asleep under the benevolent gaze of the seer.

* * *

_**AN:** Many of you expressed their apprehension of "overlay" angst so, I wanted to tone down that feeling with a couple of cute/humorous scenes here and there. I hope you appreciate it o_O _

_**AN2: **I can't wait for the dream part XD, even though I'm the one writing it... Anyways, please review!_

_**Important**: A little poll for you people:_

_What "last words" should Watanuki say to Doumeki?_

_1- Take care._

_2- Thank you._

_3- You know, I don't hate you. Right?_

_4- Help me!_

_You can choose one of these or add your own if you want. Personally I have a preference for number 4 *squeal*_

_**Preview:**_

"Doumeki, do you know what day we are today?"

"Hn? Mach, 31st."

"_No, it's a new day already. Should I make a wish?"_

_**AN:** That explains the cake doesn't it ? *wink*_


End file.
